Blog si Feminis

Judul posting ini adalah judul buku yang baru kubeli tiga hari yang lalu.
Bagaimanakah kita menyikapi arogansi keagamaan? Baca tulisanku di alamat berikut ini:

http://afeministblog.blogspot.com/2007/05/going-beyond-pluralism.html

Thanks a bunch,
Nana

On

Friday May 18, 2007

I gave my FSC 6 class the mid-term test. (FYI, FSC class is for junior high school students. My FSC 6 class consists of some first grade, second grade, and third grade students.) The students needed around 40 until 50 minutes to do the test. After all students finished doing the test (there is no time allotment to do the test so that I was quite lenient to wait until all students finished), we discussed the test together. It also means that I asked my students to help me score their classmates’ works so that it would be easier for me to record the score in the monthly report. J)

For your information, while proctoring the test, I was busy scribbling something in my cutie notebook while thinking what activity to give the students after the test. (What a lousy teacher I am L) While looking at the music folder in the harddisk, I got that idea. I prepared some songs in the playlist, various kinds of music.

There was 30 minutes left after we discussed the test. After collecting the test booklets and the answer sheets, I asked the students to work in pairs. I told them that I would play some songs in the notebook. While the students were listening to one song, I asked them to write at least one sentence (that must be in English because this is a class in an English course. The students come to study English, don’t they?) The sentence is not necessarily related to the lyric of the song. Anything that comes to their minds while listening to one song can be written. I played seven songs at that time: “Kau Masih Kekasihku” from NAFF, “Snow on Sahara” from Anggun, “Ave Maria” (instrumental) from Embong Raharjo, “Song of Joy” from Julio Iglesias, “Ye Liang Tai Piau Wo Te Sin” from Teresa Teng, “Semusim Sekali” from Franky and Jane, and “Untuk Kita Renungkan” from Ebiet G. Ade.

After the time was over, I collected their papers, and then dismissed the class. When reading the students’ sentences, I recognized that they tended to write more sentences when they were familiar with the songs. Two songs that were quite familiar to them were “Kau Masih Kekasihku” and “Untuk Kita Renungkan”. The first song was quite popular around a year ago, together with another NAFF’s song entitled “Akhirnya Ku Menemukanmu”. The second song was released by Ebiet for the first time more than twenty years go. However, this song is often played on television especially when there was disaster that happened in

Indonesia

, such as Tsunami in Aceh, earthquakes, flood, landslides, etc.

****

On

Saturday May 19, 2007

a workmate of mine asked me to substitute her at 16.00-18.00. It was Intermediate 1 class. My workmate told me that it was the time for the students to get the periodic test 1. I was happy of course because I didn’t need to prepare any material, just proctoring the test. And to spend the rest of the time after the test, I would do the same thing like what I did in my FSC class the day before. This time I prepared more various songs in the harddisk of my cutie notebook, namely: “Gomenasai” from TATU, the original soundtrack of Doraemon, one popular cartoon on television, “Ketaman Asmoro” a campur sari song using Javanese Language, “Kembang Perawan” from Gita Gutawa and “Terlalu Cinta” from Rossa that have been popular for these past a few weeks, “SMS” one dangdut song that has been very popular in Indonesia since a year ago, if I am not mistaken. For songs using English, I chose “What a Wonderful World” from Louis Armstrong, “Can’t Fight the Moonlight” from Coyote Ugly and Leanne Rymes, “Song of Joy” from Julio Iglesias. I also played the same song again from Teresa Teng.

After the bell rang showing that the time was over, I quickly collected the papers where the students wrote their sentences. Then I dismissed the class. To my surprise, all students tried to catch the words uttered by the singers in those ten songs, and then wrote them down. So? For the songs whose lyrics are not in English, they wrote what they heard, such as some songs in Bahasa, they wrote exactly what they heard.

Since all of the students did the same thing, I had to accuse myself for not giving a clear instruction to the students: that they were supposed to write sentences in English!!! LOL. LOL.

PC 09.30 200507

There is one man that has quite attracted my attention recently when I sit on one bench around the swimming pool every Sunday. He usually sits not quite far from where I usually sit, read books or scribble in the cutie notebook while enjoying a cup of Nescafe and waiting for my hair to dry after taking a shower. (FYI, I usually go swimming in the early morning on Sunday.) Some weeks ago, I noticed that there were two boys—around the same age, perhaps around eight till ten years old—coming to him after they swam. Sometimes, those boys came to him, to take something to drink or some snack to munch, and then jumped to the pool again. After the boys finished swimming, they went to the shower room. That man kept sitting on the bench under one big wooden umbrella while waiting for the boys. After some time, I saw them going home together, the two boys and the man. It made me conclude that the two boys were his sons.

My poor eyesight hindered me to take a clear look at him so that I could not guess how old he was. I usually just make myself busy with the books I read or the cutie where I can scribble so that I don’t pay attention to him whether he also took a look at me. J My poor eyesight also hindered me to recognize whether he ever put a smile on his face for me so that I think I had better pretend to be ignorant to him. LOL. LOL.

This morning while I was busy scribbling in the cutie, I saw two girls coming to him. One girl is perhaps at her teenage, and the other one is perhaps around three or four years old. Where were the two boys that I usually saw together with him? I was wondering.

I saw the big girl talking to the man, sipping from one bottle given by him. Then she gave the bottle to the little girl. After that I saw the two girls going to the shower room.

After taking a shower, the two girls went back to where the man was sitting. The big girl then was sitting next to him. After some time, the little girl walked around. She went to one swing located on my left side, around 10 meters from me.

I was wondering who they were waiting for?

I was also wondering how the man let the little girl play on the swing without his company. This made me remember the time when Angie was still very little. When we were going sightseeing or going to game center offering many kinds of games for little children, I never let her by herself. From my point of view, I wanted to show her how much I cared for her. Perhaps other people would think that I protected little Angie so much that I could make Angie grow up as a spoilt girl.

Going back to my morning experience in the swimming pool. Every time the little girl passed me from the swing to where her (perhaps) father and big sister were sitting, I felt like I wanted to come to her, to hold her, to carry her in my arms, to kiss her cheeks while at the same time I also wanted to talk to her. But I didn’t do it. Perhaps it would scare her?

Some time passed. My busy scribbling in the cutie made me forget for a while to pay attention to the man and his two daughters.

However, when they passed the bench where I was sitting, I spotted them. There was one boy that I usually saw with that man the other weeks. So the man and his big daughter were waiting for the boy before they went home. Again, when looking at the little girl walking by herself in the middle, I really wanted to come to her, to carry her in my arms.

###

By the way, I always like to see a man who is very close to his children. This is to counter what people think that women have bigger responsibilities to take care of the children. With their so-called motherly nature, women are to take care of the children’s upbringing. When a woman is considered not really good to take care of her children, society will easily label her as not a good woman. On the contrary, when the father is busy with his own business/job so that he doesn’t have time to be with his children, society will always understand that because man is believed not to have that motherly nature. The so-called fatherly nature that men are to have is not related to take care of children.

I remember one female student of mine. She is in second grade of senior high. Some weeks ago when discussing ‘friendship’ in class, she told her classmates and me that her best friend was her father. She always comes to her father for anything, not only to ask for money, but also to ask his suggestion to solve her problems, and confide in him as well. “I have no better friend than my father,” she said. That means she was not that close to her mother. It was wonderful, in my opinion.

PT56 11.43 200507

Around an hour ago, Angie asked for my permission to go with her friend, Fitri. Fitri wanted to buy a pair of shoes in the (maybe LOL) oldest traditional market in Semarang, Johar market. I let her go while warning her to be careful because Johar market is familiarly known as full of thieves.

This is Sunday May 20, 2007. These past a few months, Sunday afternoon has become our time to go to the cyber cafe. Angie asked me to tell her whether I would really go to one cyber cafe and she would ask Fitri to take her there after she finishes doing what she wants to do in Johar market. J

Of course I am accustomed to being alone at home. I am accustomed to going to the cyber cafe by myself too, without Angie joining me. However, I recognize that I start to feel not really uncomfortable when I want to go somwhere (that I don’t usually visit) without Angie with me. For example, when I want to go sightseeing in malls (that I very rarely do), I always ask her to accompany me. Recently, this plan often failed to be done because Angie said, “Instead of going sightseeing in Citraland Mall, how about if we go online?” So, we went to the cyber cafe instead.

Going back to Angie’s going with Fitri, it made me think of what people usually say (stereotyping huh? Probably!) about teenagers’ life when they are in their senior high school period. They will love to be with their buddies more than with their family members. During my time at senior high school, yes, I usually went somewhere with my schoolmates. My younger sisters were still very young at that time. I was not very close to my big brother. Besides, he belongs to homebody type while during my younger years I belonged to happy-go-lucky type.

I am wondering if it is high time for Angie to think that way too. She would love to go anywhere with her schoolmates rather than with me. She would choose to accompany her friends rather than to accompany me. I will be very unhappy.

I realize that Angie is the only FRIEND I have at the moment. And this afternoon I started to realize how closely I am attached to her.

“It is not good to be attached to someone very much, Nana,” my Abang told me. Not even to him. Not even to my very own daughter either, perhaps.

I was born in this world alone, although my birth was very much expected by my two dearest parents. This means I will always have to be ready to be all alone.

PT56 13.28 200507

According to Richard E. Palmer, in his book Hermeneutics Interpretation Theory in Schleirmacher, Dellthey, Heideger, and Gadamer, (1969, page 4 and 6), hermeneutics is one theory in humanities that focuses its analysis on understanding of understanding. When reading something, we will find an interpretation. When rereading it, it is always possible that we will find a deeper understanding of the passage that will possibly result in a more thorough interpretation. When coming to that interpretation, someone will be influenced on what has been stored in his/her mind, be it passages he/she has read, interpretation he/she has produced, or experience/exposure he/she has ever undergone in his/her life.

Therefore, one important question will come up: is there any really objective interpretation, free from one’s storage in one’s mind, free from any indoctrination one has ever got in one’s life, also free from one’s experience/exposure in life? Perhaps the answer is NOT.

The most important, in my opinion, is respecting each other’s opinion, not judging other opinions as wrong without trying to understand it first, without being oppressive to one group of people in one community.

Let us create peaceful world for ourselves, and our next generations.

NOTE:

v     Free women from feeling marginalized, oppressed, and suppressed.

v     Stop doing violence to women, or other minority groups

LL 14.55 180507

Sudah dengar berita tentang sebuah Honda Jazz yang ‘melompat’ keluar dari Pusat Perbelanjaan ITC Permata Hijau Jakarta?

Pertama kali mendengar cerita nahas ini dari mulut adikku yang sedang bercerita kepada my Mom kemarin Kamis 17 Mei 07. Aku langsung tercekat mendengarnya, dan lemas seluruh tubuhku. Aku ingat satu peristiwa yang terjadi di tahun 1992.

Saat itu aku sedang KKN di sebuah desa yang terletak di pojok Barat Purworejo. Karena proposal seorang teman KKN dikabulkan oleh Telkom Semarang, aku menemaninya ke Semarang untuk mengambil dana tersebut. Mengapa aku? Pertama, karena tak ada teman KKN lain yang bisa meninggalkan lokasi KKN. (FYI, dosen pembimbing lapangan kita lumayan rajin menengok ke desa, dan berdasarkan peraturan KKN, mahasiswa dilarang meninggalkan lokasi KKN lebih dari 1 x 24 jam.) Kedua, tentu saja karena aku satu-satunya mahasiswa KKN di daerah itu yang berasal dari Semarang.

Meninggalkan desa Bandung Kidul Purworejo di pagi hari, aku dan Pieter sampai di Semarang sekitar pukul 14.30. Kantor Telkom tutup pukul 16.00 yang membuat kita harus bergegas ke sana. Di rumah hanya ada sebuah mobil peninggalan my late Dad. Berhubung aku jarang nyetir, so ya maklum lah kalau aku bisa nyetir hanya sekedarnya saja. LOL. Tapi demi menyingkat waktu, aku dan Pieter berangkat ke kantor Telkom naik mobil. Aku yang nyetir karena ternyata Pieter sama sekali tidak bisa menyetir.

Setelah mendapatkan dana dari Telkom, Pieter mengajakku makan. Aku yang jarang makan di luar (bawaan orang tuaku yang jarang makan di luar), aku bingung mau mengajaknya makan di mana. Aku malu kan kalau sampai dibilangin kurang main di kota sendiri? Padahal memang aku kurang main. Hahahaha … Akhirnya waktu itu Pieter aku ajak ke food court yang terletak di Plasa Simpang Lima. (Citraland Mall yang terletak di sebelah Barat Laut Plasa Simpang Lama belum dibangun). Food court terletak di lantai 4 kalau tidak salah. (Saat ini aku tidak yakin apakah food court di Plasa Simpang Lima masih ada? Hehehehe … Maklum ga pernah keluyuran ke situ lagi.)

Sesampai di tempat parkir Plasa Simpang Lima, tukang parkir memberi aba-aba untuk naik ke tempat parkir di lantai atas. Waduh, aku ga pede. Huehehehe … “Will you drive this car, Piet?” aku menawari Pieter, but dia bilang ga bisa nyetir sama sekali. Aku langsung bilang ke tukang parkir, “Ga berani naik ke lantai atas Pak. Tolong dong cariin tempat parkir di bawah saja!”

Tukang parkir menggoda, “Baru latihan nyetir ya mbak?”

Aku cuma tertawa mendengarnya. Untunglah tukang parkir menemukan satu tempat pas buatku memarkir mobil. Trus, aku dan Pieter naik lift untuk naik ke food court.

Menyadari bahwa aku belum bisa menyetir mobil dengan canggih membuatku tidak berani naik ke atas.

Anyway, mengingat janji manusia kepada Tuhannya saat kapan kita akan kembali kepada-Nya memang tidak akan menghalangi apa pun untuk seorang manusia mengakhiri hidupnya di dunia yang fana ini.

****

Di saat yang bersamaan aku ingat one ex private student of mine, yang sering mengajakku eating out. Satu kali dia bertanya padaku, “Do you think I am a lousy driver, Na?”

“You are a better driver than I am.”

Dan dia langsung mutung. Hahahaha … “You can drive?” she asked me, dengan mimik wajah tidak percaya. Hahahaha …

“I can drive. But I have stopped driving for quite a long time. Now I already forgot how to drive a car.” LOL.

Sekitar setahun yang lalu seorang (mantan) rekan kerja terheran-heran mendengarku bercerita naik motor. “Loh, bu Nana bisa naik motor toh? Kirain ga bisa, karena aku belum pernah lihat bu Nana naik motor.”

(baca è naik motor maksudnya mengemudikan sepeda motor, dan bukan hanya duduk di boncengan.)

Apakah kita perlu melihat dulu sebelum percaya? Huehehehe …Mungkin dia tidak percaya karena seorang teman kerja yang tinggi besar tidak (atau belum) bisa naik motor, sehingga dia selalu tergantung kepada suaminya untuk mengantarnya pergi kesana kemari, sedangkan aku yang kecil mungil bisa naik motor. LOL. LOL.

PT56 12.20 180507

Some time ago I had a talk with my
younger sister about our teenage experience. She told me some
jealousies she had when both of us were still teenagers. She was
surprised when I told her that I was quite envious to her too at that
time. Mainly her jealousies were based on the fact that I always
studied in some favorite schools. Graduating from an Islamic
elementary school, I went to SMP N 1, SMA N 3, two high schools that
were famous with their smart students. As far as she remembered, when
our parents’ friends came and asked where we studied, they would
seem amazed to know that I was studying in favorite schools in
Semarang. And when they heard the name of the school where my sister
was studying, they would seem astonished, and she interpreted it as,
“Why there? You are not as smart as your elder sister, huh?”

Even when her schoolmates found out
that I was studying in one most favorite state university in
Indonesia, they jokingly asked her, “Your sister is studying at
Gadjah Mada University? Why are you here?”

But then I told her that I envied her
in some other things. She didn’t find any difficulty to ask our
parents’ permission to let her join Pencak Silat, one traditional
martial art when she was in senior high school. Compared to when I
was in junior high school, I had to beg our parents to permit me. Our
parents always let her join any activity, including when she needed
to stay a night out of town or at school.

“It was because I insisted that they
let me go. And it is okay for me to have an open confrontation. And
perhaps it was also because of my hard temperament.”

“Do you think I didn’t insist? I
remember one time our parents didn’t let me go with my classmates
somewhere, till I cried for days, stopped talking for days, and they
just kept quiet.” I complained.

My younger sister laughed.

“Well, anyway, I continued my study
to college out of town. It paid all the time when I was in junior and
senior high school.”

And then we laughed together.

I remember when I lived in a boarding
house when I was pursuing my bachelor’s degree. I was close to one
boarder. She told me how her elder sister took care of her two
children. The first child, a boy, was a timid one, not really
confident, because her parents were over protective. Seeing the
result like that, they changed their way to bring up the second
child. The second child, a girl, was a brave one, confident, and
naughty because her parents often let her do anything she wanted
since toddler, contradictory thing from the previous child. If they
had the third child, perhaps the third child would have the
combination traits. LOL.

Trial and error is applied everywhere.
LOL.

PT56 12.08 160507

Hari pertama libur sekolah
karena kelas III SMA sedang sibuk berkutat dengan ujian sekolah
kemarin, Angie dan teman-teman sekelasnya janjian nonton SPIDERMAN 3.
Istilah yang mereka pakai adalah NOMAT = NONTON HEMAT. Kalau biasanya
untuk menonton film di bioskop seseorang perlu merogoh koceknya uang
sejumlah Rp. 20.000,00, untuk NOMAT, seseorang hanya perlu
mengeluarkan uang Rp. 12.500,00.

Seperti biasa, Angie
janjian dengan sobat yang dikenalnya sejak di bangku SD untuk
berangkat bersama. Angie akan nyamperin Nana. Di sana menurut rencana
gebetan Nana akan menjemput mereka berdua dan berangkat bersama ke
bioskop yang terletak di pusat kota Semarang, Simpang Lima.

Namun sepulang aku dari
fitness center, sekitar pukul 09.00 Angie komplain kepadaku tiba-tiba
Nana membatalkan janji itu dan tidak jadi ikut nonton dengan
teman-teman sekelasnya. Karena Nana tidak menjelaskan apa alasan
tiba-tiba dia membatalkan janji lewat sms, Angie meneleponnya. Angie
menjadi lebih kecewa ketika Nana hanya mengatakan, “Aku ga ikut.
Titik.” Dan membanting pesawat teleponnya. Angie berusaha menelpon
lagi, tapi telepon tidak ada yang mengangkat. Angie menelpon nomor
mobile Nana yang berjumlah tiga biji, semua non aktif.

“Orang tua Nana ga
ngijinin dia pergi nonton bareng teman-teman sekelas barangkali,”
aku berusaha menentramkan Angie yang menjadi sewot. “Kan Angie
bilang orang tuanya strict banget? Dia ga boleh pergi dengan teman
laki-laki?”

“Lah, kan dia bakal
pergi dengan Angie Ma? Meskipun memang di bioskop kita janjiannya
nonton bareng teman-teman sekelas.”

“Mungkin menurut orang
tuanya sama aja dengan dia pergi dengan teman laki-laki.” Jawabku.

“Kalau Angie pikir sih
tentu hal ini berhubungan dengan gebetannya. Mungkin dia tidak jadi
ikut?” tebak Angie.

“Kalau dia ga jadi ikut,
kan ga papa? You will still have fun together with your classmates,
right?” jawabku.

“Entahlah Ma. Angie
masih kesel nih gara-gara Nana membanting telepon tadi.”

Kemudian aku menawari
Angie untuk mengantarnya ke gedung bioskop tempat dia janjian dengan
teman-teman sekelasnya. But Angie refused. Dia bilang seorang teman
sekelas lain akan datang untuk menjemputnya.

—–

Hari Selasa 15 Mei 07 aku
menginjakkan kaki di rumah pukul 09.15 sepulang dari kolam renang. I
found Nana in the living room together with Angie doing their school
assignment together. Her mother took her here.

At 12.15 her mother picked
her up.

“See honey? Nana was not
angry with you yesterday although she hang up the phone.” I said to
Angie setelah Nana pulang. Dan dia tersenyum tersipu.

“So, what made her
cancel the plan with you?” I asked her.

“Her parents did not let
her go.” Jawab Angie.

“I think her parents had
better come back to their ancestors’ native country, Arab. Di sana
sampai saat ini masih banyak perempuan yang dipenjara di balik tembok
rumah mereka yang megah.” Komentarku.

Dan Angie hanya meringis.

—–

Aku ingat nasibku sebagai
anak perempuan pertama dari orang tuaku. Nana, sobat Angie semenjak
SD itu anak kedua, namun anak perempuan pertama, sama denganku.
Kebetulan kita berdua memiliki kakak laki-laki yang lebih homebody
type ketimbang outgoing type. Kakak laki-laki Nana lebih pasif dalam
hal mengikuti kegiatan ekstra kurikuler di sekolah, sama dengan
kakakku.

Pingitan yang hampir sama
dulu juga sering kualami. Aku lebih bebas mengikuti kegiatan ekstra
kurikuler dibanding Nana. Di bangku SMP dengan memohon-mohon yang
amat sangat, aku diperbolehkan ikut karate. Kadang latihan karate
yang diadakan berbarengan dengan ranting/cabang lain sekotamadya
Semarang boleh kuikuti. Tapi kalau latihan itu di luar kota, atau
mungkin menginap satu malam di sekolah, atau di tempat lain, jangan
bermimpi aku akan diperbolehkan ikut.

Di bangku SMA, karena
ngikut seorang teman sekelas yang aktif di pramuka, aku diperbolehkan
ikut kegiatan itu. Tapi untuk camping, jelas tidak boleh aku ikut.
Kekangan tidak boleh ini tidak boleh itu yang membuatku mendaftar UGM
diam-diam waktu ada tawaran Penelusuran Minat dan Kemampuan (PMDK)
untuk siswa kelas III SMA. Aku ingin lepas dari kontrol orang tua
untuk menentukan apa yang ingin kulakukan.

Walau aku tidak menyukai
konfrontasi terbuka, aku lebih rebellious dibandingkan Nana, sobat
Angie itu. Berangkat dari pengalamanku sebagai remaja yang tidak
boleh ini tidak boleh itu—yang berarti aku selalu dianggap masih
terlalu muda/kecil untuk menentukan apa yang ingin kulakukan—aku
memperlakukan Angie sebaliknya. Kita memiliki komunikasi yang terbuka
dibandingkan dengan aku dan kedua orang tuaku.

“I wish my mom were as
liberal as your mom,” sering Nana berkata seperti ini kepada Angie.

“I wish my mom had as
much money as your mom,” mungkin Angie berkata begitu kepada Nana?
LOL. LOL.

The grass is greener on
the other side of the fence.

PT56 11.38 160507

Is it right that feminism is against marriage? Read my complete article in the following site.

http://afeministblog.blogspot.com/2007/05/is-feminism-against-marriage.html

Thanks a million.

Talking about a room of one’s own as a physical place, in fact I don’t have one. I have to share a bedroom with my Lovely Star, my dearest daughter Angie. Since I moved back to this dwelling place more than a year ago after I graduated from American Studies Graduate Program, we have occupied this room together. Of course right now I don’t have as much privacy as when I lived in Yogya to pursue my study.

This bedroom, 3 x 4 m is also our study. Luckily we have our own respective schedule to be private. In the morning when Angie goes to school, the room is fully mine. I can do anything I want without being distracted by her. In the afternoon/evening when I am at work, this time is Angie’s turn to fully occupy the room with the desktop. After I go home from work, usually after

9pm

, it depends on Angie’s schedule. When she has lots of homework or assignments from school that sometimes need to be carried out using the desktop, I will just read newspaper in the living room, or sometimes scribble in my cutie notebook in the bedroom also when I need to pour out things crowding my mind. After Angie finishes, she will go to bed and I can use the desktop. Sometimes Angie lets me work till late at night, sometimes she complains the lamp’s light that disturbs her. She loves to sleep in the dark. When she is spoilt like that, and begs me to turn off the desktop and the lamp and I go to bed with her, I sometimes give in. And both of us will enjoy talking to each other before we fall asleep. However, some other time, when I really need to write something, I have to ignore Angie’s beg to go to bed at the same time with her.

A problem will come when Angie has a long holiday from her school. In the morning, the time for me to enjoy my privacy in our bedroom, I have to lose some privacy. As my only daughter of course she does not have anybody else to have a chat with but me at home. I always have to lend my ears to her for that. I love it. However, I also will feel that my privacy is disturbed.

Is it high time for me to provide another room so that we have our own respective bedroom and study?

PT56 14.05 150507