If you want to hear some musics that I have ever talked in this blog, you can visit my blog at multiply

http://afemaleguest.multiply.com

See ya there.

A-NET 17.56 310107

Membunuh dan Bunuh Diri

Diramalkan, 2010 Depresi Tempati Urutan Kedua

Kasus Ny. Mersi di Malang, ibu rumah tangga membunuh 4 anak kandungnya, kemudian bunuh diri, dan kasus Hance di Semarang, oknum polisi menembak atasannya sampai tewas, kemudian tewas juga (diduga bunuh diri), mempunyai psikodinamika (perjalanan gangguan jiwa) yang mirip, bahkan sama dan sebangun.

Pihak yang berada di luar lingkungan kehidupan pribadi pelaku (selanjutnya disebut pasien), akan melihat penyebabnya adalah kejadian terakhir. Menurut media massa, kasus Ny. Mersi, karena kecewa faktor ekonomi, sementara kasus Hance karena faktor pemindahan tugas.

Dalam ilmu kedokteran jiwa, peristiwa terakhir tersebut sebagai faktor pencetus atau pemicu (precipitating factor), sementara ada lain yag terjadi sebelumnya, disebut faktor risiko atau atau faktor predisposisi (predisposition factor). Faktor risiko inilah tidak lain adalah gangguan jiwa depresi.

4 Stadium

Bunuh diri sebagian besar berhubungan dengan gangguan (penyakit) jiwa jenis depresi. Menurut WHO, tahun 1990 depresi menempati urutan keempat setelah penyakit infeksi saluran nafas, diare, dan penyakit pada bayi. Sedangkan tahun 2010 diramalkan menempati urutan kedua setelah penyakit jantung. Jadi, sangat mungkin penyakit ini menempati urutan ketiga. Tidak heran, bila kejadian bunuh diri akhir-akhir ini semakin bertambah sering. Penyakit depresi berkaitan erat dengan kekecewaan dalam kehidupan. Ini bisa karena kehilangan sesuatu yang sangat dicintai, baik sebab dari orang lain, atau kegagalan dalam usaha untuk mencapai suatu keinginan tertentu. Diawali dari suatu kekecewaan, sampai ke tindakan bunuh diri, melewati 4 stadium, merupakan suatu proses cukup panjang dan kompleks. Justru di sinilah uniknya penyakit depresi.

Rasa kecewa mendalam, merupakan stadium pertama dari depresi. Pada stadium ini, pasien bisa mengalami kesedihan mendalam, menyesali nasib, menyalahkan diri sendiri dan sebagainya. Tetapi bisa juga terjadi sebaliknya. Marah yang luar biasa, menyalahkan orang lain, bahkan sampai melukai atau membunuh orang lain.

Pada stadium kedua, mulai timbul keluhan fisik dan psikologis. Keluhan fisik misalnya, berdebar-debar, sesak nafas, perut tidak enak, otot tegang, badan capai semua walaupun habis tidur, nyeri kepala, pusing, nyeri di tenggorokan dan sebagainya. Keluhan psikologis meliputi, sulit tidur, mimpi buruk, menangis sendiri, tidak bisa menikmati hobi, nafsu makan menurun atau malah bertambah, rasa takut dan cemas. Pada stadium ini pasien umumnya datang ke dokter (non psikiater) untuk keluhan fisiknya. Karena ini yang dirasakan sangat mengganggu aktivitas sehari-hari.

Uniknya, pada stadium dua ini, setelah timbul keluhan fisik, rasa kecewanya menjadi berkurang, bahkan bisa hilang. Padahal yang terjadi, rasa kecewa ini dikonversikan (diubah atau dialihkan) oleh mekanisme pertahanan jiwa ke fungsi-fungsi fisiologis tubuh. Pada umumnya pasien hanya mengeluhkan keluhan fisiknya kepada dokter, tanpa mengemukakan keluhan fisiknya berhubungan dengan suatu kekecewaan. Akibatnya dokter hanya memberi terapi terhadap keluhan fisiknya, tanpa membantu menanggulangi masalah psikologisnya.

Pada stadium ini pasien akan bolak balik ke dokter dengan keluhan sama, untuk menyembuhkan gangguannya secara tuntas. Sering pula pasien mencari pertolongan ke “orang pintar” atau ke pengobatan alternatif. Kalau pada stadium ini pasien tidak berhasil sembuh, maka akan bertambah deretan kekecewaan.

Kondisi Rapuh

Pada stadium tiga, selain keluhan fisik dan psikologis, akan muncul pikiran-pikiran tentang kematian, cara untuk mati dengan segala pertimbangan tentang untung ruginya. Pada stadium ini sering didapatkan pasien mulai mencederai diri sendiri, membiarkan dirinya sakit berlarut-larut tanpa upaya pengobatan.

Stadium ketiga, merupakan kondisi rapuh yang sudah mempunyai kecenderungan mencoba bunuh diri atau tindakan bunuh diri.

Untuk sampai stadium empat, perlu adanya faktor pemicu yang berperan sangat penting. Faktor pemicu ini biasanya datang tidak terduga. Bila saat itu tidak ada dukungan dari orang di luar dirinya, khususnya keluarga, maka pasien tidak mampu mencegah tindakan tersebut. Tetapi bila pasien mempunyai kedekatan dengan orang lain, khususnya orang-orang dekat dalam keluarga, maka tindakan tersebut bisa dicegah.

Pria versus Wanita

Bila ditelusur angka kejadian depresi pada wanita jauh lebih banyak dibandingkan pada pria. Beberapa peneliti mendapatkan angka 2:1, bahkan ada yang 4:1. penulis sendiri mengamati pasien depresi yang datang untuk berobat dan berkonsultasi, perbandingan wanita dibanding pria, berkisar antara 3:1. Mereka umumnya berusia 30-45 tahun (usia produktif), sudah berkeluarga, mempunyai harapan hidup yang cukup tinggi dan realistis, serta menjalani kehidupan secara aktif. Hanya saja masalah yang diderita, lebih berat dari kemampuan diri untuk mengatasinya.

Umumnya kekecewaan wanita lebih berfokus, berkaitan dengan keluarga, baik suami maupun anak-anak. Sementara masalah yang diderita pasien pria, berkaitan dengan pekerjaan.

Cara yang digunakan oleh pasien untuk menuju ke kematian, juga berbeda. Pasien lebih memilih cara lunak, misalnya dengan obat-obatan atau racun, sehingga sejak melakukan sampai meninggal ada jeda waktu, dimana memungkinkan ada pertolongan pihak lain. Pasien pria lebih memilih cara keras dan sekali jadi, misalnya menembak, menggantung, menabrakkan diri pada kendaraan yang lewat atau terjun dari tempat yang tinggi.

Walaupun junlah pasien wanita lebih banyak dibandingkan pria, akan tetapi jumlah kematian akibat bunuh diri berbanding terbalik, jauh lebih banyak pria dibandingkan wanita. Angkanya berkisar 2:1 sampai 4:1.

Fenomena lain yang menarik adalah, keberanian untuk mati sendiri atau bersama orang lain. Pasien pria, tidak ingin mati konyol sendirian. Sebelum mati, ia ingin orang lain yang menyebabkan dia menderita juga ikut mati.

Prinsipnya hutang nyawa dibayar nyawa. Maka tidak heran, sering terjadi pasien pria sebelum melakukan tindakan bunuh diri, terlebih dulu membunuh atau berusaha membunuh orang yang diduga membuat dirinya menderita.

Sementara pasien wanita, keberanian untuk sampai ke tindakan mati, memerlukan pertimbangan cukup panjang. Terutama mempertimbangkan mereka yang masih memerlukan keberadaan dirinya, khususnya anak-anak dan suami. Bagaimana nasib mereka setelah ditinggalkan dirinya. Oleh karena inilah pasien wanita, sering mengurungkan niatnya tidak jadi meneruskan tindakan bunuh diri. Jika oleh karena terpaksa pasien tetap ingin mati, ia ingin mengajak orang yang nantinya menderita seelah kematiannya, untuk mati juga.

Belajar dari Kasus

Kasus Hance memberi pelajaran cukup berharga, khususnya aparat kepolisian. Senjata api yang merupakan fasilitas polisi dalam menjalankan tugasnya, bisa menjadi bumerang. Diperlukan monitoring cukup ketat bagi atasan, khususnya monitoring cukup ketat bagi atasan, khususnya monitoring dari segi psikologis.

Kasus Ny. Mersi juga memberikan pelajaran tidak kalah penting, khususnya bagi ibu-ibu rumah tangga yang mengasuh banyak anak, sementara suami jauh dari jangkauan.

Bunuh diri, apalagi didahului tindakan membunuh, merupakan suatu peristiwa gawat darurat di bidang kesehatan jiwa.

Ini merupakan titik puncak gangguan jiwa, pasien sangat memerlukan pertolongan baik orang terdekat maupun bantuan profesional.

Kondisi ini sulit diatasi, dan sering mengalami kegagalan, oleh karena sangat dibatasi oleh waktu yang sangat pendek, bahkan bisa dalam hitungan detik. Para profesional biasanya lebih menekankan pada upaya pencegahan.

Cara ini dinilai lebih efektif dan efisien, dibandingkan mengatasi gangguan pada saat gawat darurat.

Oleh dr. Ismed Yusuf, SpKJ

Dosen Fakultas Kedokteran Undip

Suara Merdeka, Kamis 29 Maret 2007 hal. 21

Are you of opinion that people can read other people just by looking at them? Once I read somewhere, “Don’t think too much of what other people say about you. They don’t do it very often.”

THINGS YOU CAN TELL JUST BY LOOKING AT HER is not a new movie, but quite interesting to watch and contemplate in our lives. The film has five short episodes that have respective main characters and stories although inevitably some characters also appear in another episode.

The first episode is entitled “This Is Dr. Keener”. Elaine Keener—the main character of this episode—is played by Glenn Close. Keener is an obstetrician who lives only with her elderly mother who already could not do anything except with the help of the nurse. One day she invited a fortune teller that then “read” her using cards. The fortune teller read Elaine as a lonely woman, secretive, aloof, no friend coz she was difficult to trust people, but she was tough with her being alone and lonely, bla bla bla… She had a crush on a younger workmate but he did not seem to respond her feeling.

A fortune-teller is absolutely believed that he/she can read other people. But relating it to the title of the movie, can other people “read” Keener exactly as what the fortune-teller “saw in the cards”: a lonely woman, secretive, aloof, no friend, but tough in her loneliness.

The second episode is entitled “Fantasies About Rebecca”. This is the most interesting and complicated one in my opinion. Rebecca played by Holly Hunter. She was illustrated as 39 years old She was single, had a boyfriend—another woman’s husband. Their secret relationship had been for three years. She was illustrated as six-week pregnant coz she forgot to protect herself when one day she had sex with him. She had decided to terminate her pregnancy before telling her boyfriend. When she told him about her pregnancy, he said the same thing—to terminate it.

I saw her as a very tough woman, almost without any feeling. However, perhaps she was disappointed when her boyfriend supported her to terminate her pregnancy. After telling him that she was pregnant and he told her to terminate the pregnancy, she was illustrated to go to a bar where she found one of her subworker—Walter, a man. Rebecca worked as a bank manager. After meeting at the bar, Walter and Rebecca ended that night by sleeping together. The following morning, Rebecca left Walter’ house when he was still sleeping. I interpreted it as perhaps Rebecca needed sex while her boyfriend went back to his house. Or she did that coz in fact she got disappointed by her boyfriend? Or she did that coz she thought that her body is hers so she was free to do anything she wanted to do with it—whether to have sex only with her boyfriend, or with anybody else as long as she felt okay with that, and her boyfriend didnt have any right to interfere.

Going back to Rebecca and Walter. When they met in the office the following morning, Walter kissed Rebecca in her cheeks and neck. Rebecca seemed awkward with that so that she looked so cold. When Walter said something intimate to her, Rebecca said, “If you think that this will be a regular romance, you are wrong.” Walter seemed dumbfounded to hear that, a little broken-hearted perhaps.

Background before she ended that night with her subworker. A bum “read” her as a bitch because she became a Bank Manager while she was a woman. Her male subworkers must not like to be under a woman, the bum said. (The conversation happened when Rebecca was smoking outside her office, leaning against her car because smoking was not allowed inside.) Nancy—the name of the bum—suspected Rebecca to do “bitchy” things to reach the top position.

Apparently what Nancy said a bit bothered Rebecca. That afternoon, she left early from the office because she wanted to check her pregnancy. Before leaving, she asked Walter to take care of the bank on behalf of her. Before she left, she asked Walter coolly, “Do you think male employees here have sexual fantasy about me?” Walter, smiling surprisedly, answered, “Maybe…”

After she underwent the process to terminate her pregnancy, though, she cried. Was she disappointed? What made her disappointed? That she had to lose her baby disappointed her? Or the fact that her boyfriend asked her to terminate the pregnancy disappointed her? However, before she told her boyfriend about her pregnancy, she already decided to stop the pregnancy. She said to her friend who happened to be the assistant of the obstetrician, “His wife will not like it if I have his baby.”

By the end of this episode, Rebecca was illustrated to refuse her boyfriend’s coming to her house. Did she start to realize that he in fact did not really love her. If he really loved her, he would let her keep the pregnancy, wouldn’t he? In Indonesia, having a baby is one of the main goals from a relationship, as the proof of the deep love between the couple. Perhaps it is like this too in many other areas in the world.

The end of the episode made me draw a conclusion that Rebecca wanted to stay away from her boyfriend realizing that he did not really love her, the proof is when he did not seem happy with Rebecca’s pregnancy. Her decision to terminate the pregnancy was not for herself but only to make her boyfriend happy that could mean she did not want to lose him.

The third episode is “Someone for Rose”. Rose—played by Kathy Baker—was a single mother with a teenaged son. She worked as a writer—a lonely profession—this was what her new neighbor said. Albert, a bachelor, moved back to the house left by his late mother. The house was located across from Rose’s. Rose saw Albert when moving in and quite interested in it because she had a new neighbor. On the same day she met Albert in the supermarket when shopping and then offered him for a lift on their way home. Only from this “short” encounter, they could “read” each other that they were both lonely and would enjoy the relationship together.

The fourth episode entitled “Good Night, Lilly, Good Night, Christine” illustrated a short episode of a lesbian couple. Lilly was terribly sick that would kill her soon. They met for the first time in a party, where Lilly arrived with another girl, Vicki. However, since the first time Lilly saw Christine, she already had a crush on her. After introducing to each other, soon they became very intimate and involved in an interesting talk. This made a woman ask Lilly, “Are you couple?” Christine was blushed to hear that, while Lilly answered, “I have a crush on her, yes.”

How easy or difficult to “read” people as homosexual? In Indonesia, this is not that easy. Many girls have good friends and they become very intimate but it does not mean that they are lesbians. However, this is perhaps because people are still not confident to open up their sexual orientation. Nevertheless, it is still difficult to find out two girls are lesbian couple only by looking at their intimacy. Probably because I am not one so I do not know.

The last episode is also very interesting. It is entitled “Love Waits For Kathy”. The most interesting thing from this episode is the strong sisterhood between Kathy (played by Amy Brenneman) and Carol (played by Cameron Diaz). They live together. Kathy worked as a detective while Carol worked as a teacher teaching to read using Braille. Carol herself was blind. Therefore, she depended on Kathy in some cases. Carol taught a little girl named June whose father asked Carol for a date several times. June said, “I know my dad likes you from the tone he is using when talking about you. However, I believe that he still loves mom.” Later that night, Walter—June’s father—didn’t show up in Carol’s house although he had promised her to have dinner out together.

An interesting dialog between Carol and June:

June, “Do you live alone?”

Carol, “No, I live with my sister.”

June, “Where does she work?”

Carol, “She is a detective.”

June, “That’s cool. Is she single like you?”

Carol, “Yes.”

June, “She is not blind of course. Why isn’t she married?”

Carol, “I think she just hasn’t found the right man yet.”

June, “I think she just doesn’t want to leave you all alone.”

Blind people will get difficulty to get life partner? Because other people do not want to be bothered by an invalid? It seems that what June said was quite right. Kathy possibly loved Carol very much so that she did not want to leave her. By the end of the story, Kathy was going out to have dinner together with a forensic doctor who helped her handle a murder or a suicide case. She did not tell Carol the truth that she was going with a guy. Instead, she said that she went out with her female friend. She did not want to hurt Carol? Coincidently at the same time Carol was waiting for her date, June’s father, who even went to a bar.

PT56 15.35 310307

Analysis on Sandra Cisneros’ “Woman Hollering Creek”

The story tells us about the life of a young woman named Cleofilas who loves watching telenovelas before getting married. This hobby makes her dream that she would live a life like the main actress in the telenovelas; a poor country girl who works for a wealthy family and the good-looking son of the family falls in love with her. “Cleofilas thought her life would have to be like that, like a telenovela…” (p. 226)

In telenovelas, although life is full of “all kinds of hardship of the heart, separation and betrayal” (p. 220), being loving all the time will make someone (in this case, especially a woman) survive in life and get happiness at the end. When getting married with Juan Pedro, Cleofilas dreams to have a similar life. She even does not pay attention much to what her father says to her in the hubbub of parting, “I am your father, I will never abandon you.” (p. 119). She thinks that love between a man and a woman is more beautiful than love between parents and children. How when a man and a woman love each other, sometimes love sours. But a parent’s love for a child, a child’s for its parents, is another thing entirely. (p. 220). Gradually Cleofilas realizes that love between a man and a woman can diminish, especially if both sides do not try hard to maintain their love, moreover when of them starts hurting the other. Cleofilas knows that men are selfish creatures, they do not treat women lovingly—why should women be loving to them? She sees some examples in her real life—not only in telenovelas. Her neighbor, Soledad, has been left by her husband without knowing where he goes; Maximiliano—one of her husband’s mate—is said to have killed his wife in an ice-house brawl; her own husband has slapped her many times until her mouth bleeds without knowing what makes her husband treat her that way. The bitterness she finds in her life makes Cleofilas aware that happiness she often sees in telenovelas is only a dream. “… now the episodes got sadder and sadder. And there were no commercials in between for comic relief. And no happy ending in sight.” (p. 226)

Observing what happened in this short story between women and their husbands, I remember some radical feminists—for example Mary Daly—who opine that marriage is the source of gender inequality. Once a couple is married, the husband things that his wife has become his property so that he is free to do whatever he wants to do toward his wife; e.g. whether he wants to treat her lovingly or cruelly. Therefore, radical feminists think that to stop men’s oppression toward women and to reach gender equality, a woman is not supposed to marry a man, a woman must work to be economically independent. Women must improve sisterhood among themselves to help one another. Therefore, I like to read the last part of the story when Cleofilas decides to leave her cruel husband. (He has taken Cleofilas away from her family and home country, and in the new country where Cleofilas knows no one—she even does not speak English, only Spanish—he does not treat her well!) her husband does not give her anything but babies (and miseries!!!). Cleofilas can run away from her husband with the help of two women who actually do not  know her well, but they do know that Cleofilas needs their help. From Felice, a woman who gives her a ride to

San Antonio

, Cleofilas gets a valuable lesson that a woman does not need any man to survive. “ … she didn’t have husband” (p. 228). A woman can survive and do whatever she wants in this life without depending on man. It even makes a woman free from any kind of oppression in a marriage and she can do anything to her heart’s content.

A Paper in Contemporary American Culture

Yogya, March 2004

The theme of this poem is similar to that of Hurston’s Sweat—that black women are always oppressed. Hurston’s Delia—the black female character in the story—was always oppressed by her husband Sykes. Coleman said that black women regarded black women mostly as the enemy. People always try to oppress their enemy. So did Sykes toward Delia. I have never found a story where someone caresses his/her enemy, except to trap him/her.

Besides enemy, Coleman also mentioned that black men regarded black women as saints. This was also what happened in “Sweat”. The fact that Delia never fought back Sykes physically, that she did not complain, that she just kept quiet no matter how cruelly he treated her can be considered that Delia has a quality to be a saint in her. Once she said calmly, “Ah hates you, Sykes,” but it stopped there. She did not do anything else. Saints never take revenge; they accept whatever happens to them, whatever people do towards them wholeheartedly, they never complain. This is what I concluded when I read “Sweat”. Coleman’s poem really supports the way Hurston described Delia.

Black women are also regarded as mothers. It means that black men regard them as ones to deliver babies, breastfeed them, and then raise them. it is different from the role as a wife. I see it here that black men consider black women “machines” to produce babies, to continue their clan. Because black women are considered as machines only, it means no emotional bond, no love between black men and women. It dates back to the slavery time where black women were used to “produce” babies that would be slaves after the babies grew up. The more slaves to have, the wealthier the slave owners would be.

Black women as sisters here mean that they have to be ready anytime to give help to their brothers. And the last one, as whores, means that black women are just regarded as sexual objects. They have to be ready to give sexual satisfaction whenever and wherever black men want them. And of course the sexual relationship here is done only for lust, not for love.

In facing their ‘fate’—to be regarded as saints, mothers, sisters, whores, and enemy—black women do not do anything real to oppose it. Coleman said “we are victims who have chosen to struggle and stay alive.” Though they feel like they are living in a hell and want to die –“would be better to be dead I sometimes think”—still they choose to struggle and stay alive. They try to endure their bitter life.

In addition, Coleman said that not only do black women mistreat black women, white men think the same way as well. White men find black women exotic; therefore they like them and approach them. However, white men do that not to love them, only to make them sexual objects: “women of my race are regarded by white men mostly as whores”. In need to get sexual satisfaction, white men approach black women. After getting what they want, they will go away.

At the end of her poem, Coleman asked, “will I ever see the sun?” The sun here has a connotative meaning of hope—something that will brighten dark days. I conclude that Coleman asked whether there will be a change for the better in the way black men and white men regard black women, whether black women will have a better future. Coleman put it in the question form because she herself was not sure whether it would really come true or not.

A paper I wrote in

America

’s Multi-Cultural Literature, March 2003

Women of My Color

By Wanda Coleman

i follow the curve of his penis

and go down

there is a peculiar light in which women

of my color are regarded by men

being on the bottom where pressures                                                       5

are greatest is least desirable

would be better to be dead i

sometimes think

there is a peculiar light in which women

of my race are regarded by black men                                                    10

as saints

as mothers

as sisters

as whores

but mostly as the enemy                                                                         15

it’s not our fault      we are victims

who have chosen to struggle and stay alive

there is a peculiar light in which women

of my race are regarded by white men

as exotic                                   20

as enemy

but mostly as whores

it’s enough to make me cry

but i don’t

following the curve of his penis                                                               25

i go down

will i ever see

the sun!   

Zola Neale Hurston described Delia Jones—the main female character in the short story—as a patient woman, a typical black female. Delia kept quiet whatever her mean husband did to her—e.g. kicking or beating her. She did not fight him back maybe because she had a small and thin body, she would not win the fight! Besides, a woman was not supposed to “oppose” her own husband. However, her hatred toward the husband whom she used to love deeply gradually became bigger and bigger and it exploded at the end. Delia kept quiet too when she saw her husband bitten by the rattlesnake, she did not do anything, just watched the accident from a distance. Delia knew that in fact Sykes wanted her to be bitten by the snake when he put it in the bedroom. Therefore, she did not help him when Sykes finally was the one who was bitten by the poisonous snake.

A woman who had to undergo bad treatment from a husband who is supposed to love and treat her well will do the same thing as what Delia has done. It is logical. If the woman helps to rescue the husband who has tortured her for years and has wanted to kill her indirectly by putting the snake in the bedroom, she is not a normal human being. She must be a saint!!!

Hurston describes Sykes Jones—the main male character in the story—as quite typical black uneducated male in

America

. He considered his wife as his property so that he could do anything he liked. It is up to him whether he wanted to treat her well or to beat her. It is a kind of an unconscious revenge when it is connected to the slavery time. The slaveholders treated the slaves as their property so that they could do anything they wanted. The black slave males could not fight back their owners. (Frederick Douglass’s beating Mr. Covey his master was an uncommon sense; as a very intelligent person, Douglass knew that it would help himself from his master’s cruelty. Other black slave males did not do that.) After the slavery time was over, the black males still could not take revenge toward the white men—racial discrimination existed until 1960s in

America

. One thing they could not for revenge is just to mistreat their wives to their heart’s content. No wonder if Hurston describes Sykes Jones like that.

A paper I wrote in

America

’s Multi-Cultural Literature, March 2003

Kisah berikut ini terjadi beberapa bulan lalu.

Aku sedang berada di ruang guru ketika sms dari Angie datang, “Mama tahu letak Polsekta Semarang Utara ga?”

Meskipun aku lahir dan besar di Semarang, (sempat mengungsi di Yogya selama beberapa tahun tatkala kuliah S1 dan S2 di Universitas Gadjah Mada), aku tidak begitu hafal letak kantor-kantor tertentu, dan tidak hafal banyak nama jalan di Semarang. Tentu saja aku juga tidak begitu tahu dimana letak Polsekta Semarang Utara. Karena itulah aku bertanya kepada seorang teman, L.

“Pak, kamu tahu letak Polsekta Semarang Utara ga?”

L menjawab, “Kalau tidak salah terletak di daerah Jalan Petek, atau sekitar situ. Ada apa?”

“Angie kirim sms, bertanya kepadaku dimana letak Polsekta Semarang Utara.”

“Wah … pasti ketangkep nih.” Komentar L sembarangan. LOL.

“Ketangkep? Maksudnya?” aku tidak paham ke arah mana komentar L tadi.

“Ya … barangkali naik motor, padahal belum memiliki SIM. Bisa jadi kan?” dia mencoba menganalisis.

Aku sempat heran sesaat. Angie belum punya motor. (Baca è aku belum mampu membelikannya motor. LOL.) Kira-kira dengan siapa Angie bepergian? Biasanya pulang sekolah, Angie bareng kedua temannya, Nana dan Mita. Angie dan Nana sering menemani Mita menunggu jemputan nyokap/bokapnya. Atau kadang Nana danMita menemani Angie menunggu jemputanku (kalau Angie minta kujemput).

“Well .. Angie berteman baik dengan dua anak yang orang tuanya jelas tidak akan (atau belum) percaya anak-anaknya naik motor sendiri. Mita selalu diantar dan dijemput orang tuanya. Orang tuanya TIDAK PERCAYA Mita bisa pulang sekolah sendiri. Nana masih agak mending, kalau Mamanya tidak bisa menjemput, dia pulang naik angkot. Dan untuk itu, Angie biasanya menemaninya, karena mereka satu jurusan, hanya Angie turun duluan dari angkot.” Komentarku kepada L.

“Lah, kira-kira kenapa dong Angie bertanya dimana letak Polsekta Semarang Utara?” tanya L.

“That’s it. I dont understand it either.” Jawabku.

Kemudian tiba-tiba aku ingat Angie pernah bercerita kalau Bapaknya Mita adalah seorang polisi. Dan kebetulan tempat tinggal Mita berada di daerah Semarang Utara. So, aku balesin sms Angie begini, “Mama ga tahu Sayang dimana letak Polsekta Semarang Utara. Coba Angie tanya aja ke Bapaknya Mita. Mita ada di situ bareng Angie ga?”

Jawaban Angie, “Mmm … sekarang ini Angie berada di rumah Mita Mama. Bapaknya Mita kan memang kantornya di Polsekta Semarang Utara. Maksud Angie tuh Angie mau minta Mama jemput Angie di sini, di Polsekta Semarang Utara. Tadi pulang sekolah agak pagi, trus Angie dan Nana main ke rumah Mita.”

Hahahaha …

Komentarku ke Angie, “Aduh Sayang, maaf Mama udah di kantor nih, ada teachers’ meeting yang harus Mama hadiri. Angie pulang sendiri aja yah? Nana ga minta dijemput Mamanya?”

“Iya sih. Ya udah, Angie pulang bareng Nana aja kalau gitu. Bye bye Mama … ‘met meeting ya?” jawab Angie.

*****

Rabu 28 Maret 2007

Tadi Angie bercerita Mita kirim sms ke dia. “Aduh Angie, aku ditangkep polisi nih! Masak hanya gara-gara aku imut aku ditangkep polisi? Gimana dong?”

Aku ingat banget kalau Bapaknya Mita polisi, so aku langsung tahu Mita cuma becandain Angie aja. Dan Angie pun tahu itu, dan dia sedang kumat cueknya, so dia ga balesin sms Mita yang sedang kurang perhatian. LOL.

Sekitar setengah jam kemudian Mita telepon.

“Eh Ngie, kamu tahu ga? Cuma kamu loh yang langsung sadar kalau aku cuma becanda! Tadi Nana langsung telepon aku dan tanya ini itu. Setelah tahu aku cuma becanda, marah-marah lah dia. Ganis juga begitu. Malah ngambek dia sekarang. Aduh, gimana dong kalau Ganis marah betulan sama aku? Tadi aku telepon, dia banting teleponnya.”

“Enggaklah, paling Ganis cuma kesel sedikit sama kamu. Besok paling dia udah balik baik lagi sama kamu. Ganis tuh kan sobatmu yang paling sayang sama kamu?” komentar Angie.

Setelah bercerita itu, Angie merayuku untuk memasakkan indomie dicampur telur kesukaannya, plus segelas teh manis hangat.

Dan sebagai Mama yang manis dan baik hati, aku pun dengan senang hati membuatkan untuknya. LOL.

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Three recent cases happened in

Indonesia

during one last year:

1. A mother—identified as suffering from terribly psychologically depressed—killed her three children, by putting pillows on their faces so that they couldn’t breathe.
2. A mother tried committing suicide by burning herself and her two children.
3. A mother killed her four children. After that, she killed herself.

One article in the local newspaper stated that those murders were the result from the heavy burden put on women’s shoulders. The burden can be in the form of economy, household, social, environment, and health. When someone feels that he/she is not strong enough to face that burden, it will form toxic anxiety in someone’s life. Toxic anxiety is poisonous, because it poisons the way of thinking, feeling, attitude, behavior, etc. When this poison is not neutralized or eliminated, the poison will spur someone to do cruel things. The poison exists as conflict and dilemma in life that can happen to anybody. From this conflict and dilemma, natural anxiety is engendered. This natural anxiety must be analyzed and faced wisely, not to be feared of, nor avoided.

The article ended with suggestion that government must carry out some counseling, health examination, and psychological guidance.

It reminds me of one article I wrote entitled “Mental Depression” I posted in my blog around a year ago. Why should women be more vulnerable to get depressed? If I relate it to woman’s madness phenomenon, patriarchal society’s demand from women to be good women (read è good wife, good mother, also good women that contradicts to ‘bitch’) is still very high in

Indonesia

. Instead of proposing suggestion that government must carry out some counseling, etc, I would rather suggest open communication between the husband and the wife and the husband’s appreciation to women as equal with them. Open communication will make the husband and the wife know what obstacles they face in their marriage life and try to find the way out together. (The background of the three cases mentioned in the beginning of this article shows the not good communication between the victims and their husbands, the husbands did not really understand what bothered their wives, etc.) High appreciation from society—especially from the husbands—will boost women’s confidence, to talk about anything. I am convinced that feeling appreciated will make women appreciate themselves, and that hopefully will result in women value their lives better.

Instead of suggesting government to do some counseling, etc, I believe it is better that patriarchal society reduces the burden they put on women’s shoulders to be good women. When a woman thinks that her burden can be shared with her husband, it will lighten her steps to undergo her life.

One case happened to my mother’s friend. One day in December 2006—still very early in the morning—my mother got a call from her friend. A man who is around sixties asked her whether his wife was in my mother’s house. She was gone. She left the house without saying anything. She said she would do some shopping and never returned. They have been married for many years. When my mother asked that man whether they had big quarrel, he said nothing. Their relationship was very good during their marriage life, he said.

Several days later, a neighbor of that man told him that she saw his wife in the railway station. She said she would go out of town (

Surabaya

) to visit a relative. She looked troubled at that time.

Three months have passed. That man cannot find where his wife is yet until now.

I saw this case as another case of woman’s madness phenomenon. Unconsciously, she has tried to bury all negative feelings coming to her, to be considered as a good wife and a good mother. When she thought that she could no longer cope up with that, she left her home. Her husband said that everything was fine in their marriage life. Nah lo!

By the way, patriarchal society’s burden put on women’s shoulders have existed since time immemorial. Why did those three cases happen just lately? Didn’t similar cases happen a decade, two decades ago, or longer than that? Perhaps the cases were not recorded by media now that media has developed tremendously everywhere around the world. The high competition has made media and their journalists get interesting news to be published. The more pathetic one case is, the more it sells.

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SONGBIRD

By FletwoodMac

For you, therell be no
more crying,

For you, the sun will
be shining,

And I feel that when
Im with you,

Its alright, I know
its right

To you, Ill give the
world

To you, Ill never be
cold

cause I feel that when
Im with you,

Its alright, I know
its right.

And the songbirds are
singing,

Like they know the
score,

And I love you, I love
you, I love you,

Like never before

And I wish you all the
love in the world,

But most of all, I
wish it from myself.

And the songbirds keep
singing,

Like they know the
score,

And I love you, I love
you, I love you,

Like never before,
like never before.

The above touching lyric was sent to me on
November 10, 2006, after the second gift from my loved one reached me. Isn’t it
very lovely? Isn’t he very romantic and loving? J

I was somewhat
mourning in October 2006 due to one incident. And to make me smile again, to
see my future as a bright horizon again, he sent me the gift. And during our
chat, while at the same time I was writing on my blog to immortalize the
unforgettable day (and I made him wait LOL), he sent me that lyric—SONGBIRD.

“This is a beautiful
world where we live. And life is also beautiful, Humming Bird.” He always
nicely reminds me.

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