Nov 16 2006
Why …
People around me probably condemn me as a heartless woman, especially to a man that happens to be the father of my daughter. Probably they also accuse me as a selfish mother who wants to separate my daughter from her father, a woman who denies the ‘destiny’ to be created with inherent feminine characters: unselfish, loving, caring, loyal, submissive, obedient, etc.
However, have they ever thought that a woman deserves to be happy? The happiness that doesnt follow the norm, especially in Indonesian culture: to be happy, a woman must get married, be a good wife that will always support the husband in anything he does. Dont you agree that a woman can define her own happiness? If I am happier to live separately from daughter’s father, what is wrong with that? Is it enough then to make people judge me as heartless, selfish, unwomanly? If that is so, why the hell they fussily interfere my life? I dont do any harm to them.
The main different thing between me and some other woman that probably become unloving to their children is I do love my daughter, have an intimate relationship with her, enjoy time I spend with her without forgetting that each of us needs some time to be alone. She is my everything so that I give her a loving nick, MY LOVELY STAR. Yet, it doesnt mean that my love for her is a good reason for people to insist that I sacrifice my own happiness. I can still love her, while thinking of things and do those things that will make me enjoy this life. I already forget how I raised her when she was a little to maintain this intimate relationship between us. When many women friends of mine love to have sons, I adore to have a daughter. (I want to negate Freud’s penis envy theory that daughters adore the father more than the mother.)
Still, I always want to understand when other women are not loving to their children because I believe they have strong reasons to do that; why they adore their husbands who probably are just assholes, why they choose to continue living in a loveless marriage for the sake of their children or just to give camouflage to people around that they are happily married (because they support the norm saying that to be happy a woman must get married.)
Why dont we just support one another to live our respective lives and stop condemning what other people do?
PT56 08.45 171106
