Oct 28 2006
Look What Love Has Done
Look what love has done
That is the title of Patty Smith’s song that I am listening to while typing an email for my only Abang. And it suddenly made me want to write something.
What love has done to me? To you? To all of us?
When being in love—and the one I love returns my feeling—I mostly suddenly feel like I am the most beautiful woman in this world. I love to see my own bright eyes in the mirror, illustrating how happy I am. It means that falling in love has made me feel happy, has brightened my eyes, and of course brightened my days too. His appreciation on the pictures I have sent him has made me love to act as a photo model. LOL. (Hmm … this is especially for my first online boyfriend. )
Falling in love also has made me a poet, writing love poems for my loved one. (FYI, I am not really a poet because I need to fall in love first to write poems. LOL.)
Falling in love has made me a prolific writer (e.g. writing him lots of emails). It even has made me a blogger!!!
Being in love, however, also easily makes me feel lonely when my loved one is suddenly nowhere to be found. His existence (NOTE: ‘HIS’ here shows that I am a heterosexual although some good friends have dubbed me as a radical feminist) in my heart and mind doesn’t always succeed to accompany me because I need the real him.
Being in love easily makes me feel gloomy too when he is very busy and forgets to give me attention. I am different from one cyber friend I have—mbak Omie—who always speaks up her mind. When she misses her loved one because he is nowhere to be found, she will call him, “Hey darling, I miss you. Come here please! I need you to spoil me. After that, you can go again everywhere you want.”
Why can’t I just do this seemingly ‘simple’ thing? I am not always spontaneous person, am I? (FYI, my Abang said that I am a spontaneous person!!!! Ah yeah … yeah … only once in a while, not all the time. LOL.) There are two reasons I suppose. First, I am not always confident to be spontaneous. Second, (this is one thing I often suspect myself), I am included into a sado-masochist type. I sometimes love to torture myself, then enjoy the pain, enjoy the tears I shed from my eyes (that no longer bright, of course, due to the tears falling down.)
Falling in love has always made me learn new things in this life. Hopefully, I will not repeat the same mistakes I have ever made before.
In short, love has made me both happy and unhappy. But isn’t it natural? Life is not only about happiness. Life is always full of ups and downs, that even makes us not easily bored to live this life. Laughter and cry come now and again alternately.
What love has done to you?
PT56 07.21 281006
