Blog si Feminis

Semenjak seorang ‘pengacau’ dari dunia Selatan (begitu dia menyebut dirinya sendiri LOL) hadir dalam hidupku dan membuatku ‘occupied’ dengannya hampir 24 jam sehari (cie …, well, not really 24 hours a day, minus jam-jam dimana aku melayang terbuai dunia mimpi), aku jadi kurang produktif menulis di blog ku yang di http://afemaleguest.blog.co.uk yang memang lebih kufokuskan to expose my being feminist. Bulan Agustus, (he came into my life exactly on my birthday on August 12, and has made me occupied by him eversince) aku masih post 23 artikel yang tidak jauh beda dari bulan Juli yang 24 artikel. Bulan September, menyusut jadi tinggal 12 posts. Waktu dia nanya, "I just checked your blog at blog.co.uk and found out that you seldom post there now. Why?" dan kujadikan lah dia sebagai scape goat, LOL. "I am busy with you, don’t you realize that?" LOL. Bulan Oktober, susut lagi tinggal 10 artikel. (But, ada alasan yang sangat kuat di bulan Oktober ini mengapa aku tidak begitu produktif, komputer tercintaku error, hari Jumat, 3 hari menjelang Lebaran, saat nanggung mencari teknisi yang mau lembur betulin komputerku. Walhasil, libur lebaran yang semula akan kupakai to be productive ga jadi deh. Jadilah aku bengang bengong melulu. :(  Udah untung adikku tersayang merelakan komputernya kupakai untuk menyalurkan apa-apa yang perlu kusalurkan ke dalam dunia tulisan, jadi ga full bengong 24 jam (ups … minus jam molor, lupa. LOL.)

Namun, hari ini, hari terakhir bulan Oktober, ketika aku cek statistics, wah, ternyata hasilnya not really bad. Masih banyak orang yang menyambangi blogku. Memang sih, beberapa minggu terakhir ini, some people invited me to let them be in my friend list. Ini tentu karena mereka mengaggap blogku layak dibaca dan perlu. Cie …

Here is the statistics (tanggal 31 Oktober 2006, jam 14.03 WIB),

Pageviews

This page shows the daily pageviews of your blog.

Pageviews total: 20492

Well, this made me feel a bit better setelah beberapa jam lalu aku pengen menangis gara-gara seseorang sok pintar yang berusaha mengintimidasiku. (Only God knows what will happen to such a pain in the neck like him and his kroni!!!) Abangku sampai kalang kabut berusaha membuatku tersenyum dan tertawa dan gak sebel melulu tadi. Oh, he is VERY VERY SWEET! Besides, he has a SURPRISE buatku. Wah … can’t wait.

My very sweet Abang dan statistic di blogku membuatku jadi pengen nulis di sini.

"Nulis di blog dong Na," he said some minutes ago.

"How could I Bang? Moodku sedang jelek bener begini." I responded.

Dan ternyata responsku itu membuat dia unhappy, karena dia belum begitu berhasil to make me smile from my heart.

I am writing here now Bang. The visitors to my blog helped comforted me, though I dont know all of them personally.

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Lelaki Terindah is the title of a novel written by Andrei Aksana. For those who don’t really follow the development of novel publication in Indonesia and Indonesian authors—that mean they never hear this name yet—Andrei Aksana is the grandson of big poets Sanoesi Pane and Armijn Pane. These two names are commonly found in school books—from elementary, junior, and senior high schools—in Indonesia.

At first I read the review of this book in one national newspaper. The review easily attracted me. But, my bad thing is, I didn’t note the title and I forgot it easily. Therefore, when trying to find it in one bookstore, I didn’t find it.

Some months later, when I went to a bookstore with Julie, she appointed the novel to me, saying, “Look, isn’t the title provoking?” FYI, ‘indah’ means beautiful, how could a man become beautiful? After appointing the novel, Julie went to other shelves while I took the novel from the shelf. I was provoked. LOL. When looking at the drawing on the front cover, my up and down teeth directly clicked, “Wow …” I saw a part of sexy body of a man that I believe would make women’s mouth like Samantha Jones—one character in Sex and the City—water openly. LOL. (well … honestly, I am impressed by her open sexual drive, and wonder if I could become like her. LOL. This is one thing that my Abang doesn’t like AT ALL. LOL.

First, I read the poem on the back cover.

Suatu ketika dulu

Aku pernah dihanyut asmara

Tapi tak pernah ku tenggelam

Karena kekuatan cintamu

Menjadi perahu dan dayungku

Hanya engkaulah yang mampu

Melenyapkan ragu menjadi tahu

Memupuskan kelu menjadi deru

Hanya engkaulah yang bisa

Menggantikan tawar menjadi rasa

Menhadirkan tiada menjadi ada

Karena hanya engkaulah …

Lelaki Terindah di hidupku

One time in the past

I was carried away by love

But I was never sunk

The strength of your love

Was my boat and row

to go along the ocean of love

you are the only one who is able

to change doubt into understanding

to alternate pessimism into optimism

you are the only one who is capable

to convert tasteless into tasty

to present existence from nothing

because you are the only

the most gorgeous man in my life

(badly translated by Nana LOL)

What a very romantic and adoring poem, from someone to a man—the most beautiful (well, I’d prefer to translate it into ‘gorgeous’ a word that is more androgynous) one. In an instant I loved the poem. When I opened the beginning pages, I found another poem that is also very romantic and adoring.

Tak pernah cukup kata

Menjabarkan keindahanmu …

Tak pernah cukup batas

Memagari kehadiranmu …

Kau lebur mimpi menjadi bentuk

Kau pahat angan memiliki raga

Bagimu

Segalanya mungkin …

These two poems were enough to provoke me to buy the novel. LOL. I wanted to buy two novels instead of just one. One was for myself, and the other one was for the one that was automatically on my mind when reading those two adoring poems. However, when reading the beginning pages of chapter one, and I found that it was about homosexual love (and it made me glad because at last I found the novel I was looking for after reading the review in one national newspaper some months before), I cancelled to buy two. I didn’t want to give the novel to the one who was on my mind automatically when reading the title of the book. I didn’t want him to think that I encouraged him to be a homosexual. LOL. Because I am a straight person, I want him to be one too so we would always be attracted to each other. LOL. As someone claiming as following the postmodern phenomenon, I don’t consider homosexual as abnormal or a social disease (you can read my post entitled “What is normal?” and “Sexuality” some months ago). However, since I am straight, I would be very broken hearted if the one that I dub as my Lelaki Terindah were homo. LOL. It makes sense, doesn’t it? LOL.

I bought the novel on March 17, 2005. I have used the novel as one subject for discussion in my literature class several times, especially when I discussed how society influences writers to produce their works. It illustrates how sociological approach is used to dissect one literary work. There is always close relationship between society and literature. I am really a strong follower of Daniel Goldmann’s theory on Genetic Structuralism: there is always close relationship between the work and the writer, and between the work and the society where and when the writer lives and produces his/her work.

Going back to Andrei Aksana as the author of Lelaki Terindah. I love the beautiful poems he writes and inserts inside his novels. However, I am not provoked to buy his other novels because to me they are about common themes, although I believe they are beautifully written. And, suddenly I want to write something on Lelaki Terindah because my sister borrowed this novel some days ago.

PT56 08.48 281006

Look what love has done

That is the title of Patty Smith’s song that I am listening to while typing an email for my only Abang. And it suddenly made me want to write something.

What love has done to me? To you? To all of us?

When being in love—and the one I love returns my feeling—I mostly suddenly feel like I am the most beautiful woman in this world. I love to see my own bright eyes in the mirror, illustrating how happy I am. It means that falling in love has made me feel happy, has brightened my eyes, and of course brightened my days too. His appreciation on the pictures I have sent him has made me love to act as a photo model. LOL. (Hmm … this is especially for my first online boyfriend. )

Falling in love also has made me a poet, writing love poems for my loved one. (FYI, I am not really a poet because I need to fall in love first to write poems. LOL.)

Falling in love has made me a prolific writer (e.g. writing him lots of emails). It even has made me a blogger!!!

Being in love, however, also easily makes me feel lonely when my loved one is suddenly nowhere to be found. His existence (NOTE: ‘HIS’ here shows that I am a heterosexual although some good friends have dubbed me as a radical feminist) in my heart and mind doesn’t always succeed to accompany me because I need the real him.

Being in love easily makes me feel gloomy too when he is very busy and forgets to give me attention. I am different from one cyber friend I have—mbak Omie—who always speaks up her mind. When she misses her loved one because he is nowhere to be found, she will call him, “Hey darling, I miss you. Come here please! I need you to spoil me. After that, you can go again everywhere you want.”

Why can’t I just do this seemingly ‘simple’ thing? I am not always spontaneous person, am I? (FYI, my Abang said that I am a spontaneous person!!!! Ah yeah … yeah … only once in a while, not all the time. LOL.) There are two reasons I suppose. First, I am not always confident to be spontaneous. Second, (this is one thing I often suspect myself), I am included into a sado-masochist type. I sometimes love to torture myself, then enjoy the pain, enjoy the tears I shed from my eyes (that no longer bright, of course, due to the tears falling down.)

Falling in love has always made me learn new things in this life. Hopefully, I will not repeat the same mistakes I have ever made before.

In short, love has made me both happy and unhappy. But isn’t it natural? Life is not only about happiness. Life is always full of ups and downs, that even makes us not easily bored to live this life. Laughter and cry come now and again alternately.

What love has done to you?

PT56 07.21 281006

Baru lebaran tahun ini aku bersaudara jalan-jalan bareng-bareng. Kenapa yah? Padahal tiap tahun kakakku yang sekarang tinggal di Cirebon selalu mudik ke Semarang. Tahun lalu, aku kabur ke Yogya on the second day of Lebaran. LOL.

Tahun ini aku sekeluarga merayakan 1 Syawal 1427 H pada hari Senin 23 Oktober 2006. Siangnya aku, kakak, adik, plus Angie ke vihara Avalokitasvara yang terletak di Pudak Payung Watu Gong, Semarang. Dari vihara (aku bersaudara terobsesi dengan segala yang berbau vihara atau pun kuil, karena waktu kecil sering baca-baca serial silatnya Kho Ping Hoo), kita berenam ke Masjid Agung yang terletak di Jalan Gajah Semarang. Masjid ini memiliki menara yang tingginya sekitar 60 meter barang kali. Untuk naik, seseorang harus bayar 2000 rupiah. Di atas ada teropong yang bisa untuk neropong. LOL. Untuk sewa teropong, bayar 1000 rupiah untuk satu setengah menit.

Hari Selasa 24 Oktober 2006, kita berenam ke pantai Marina yang biasa-biasa saja itu. LOL. Cintailah kota sendiri, so berwisatalah ke tempat-tempat yang terletak d kota sendiri. LOL. Dari pantai Marina, kita mampir ke Puri Maerokoco, yang disebut sebagai miniatur Jawa Tengah. Adikku sempat ngajakin ke Lawang Sewu, tapi kakakku yang bertindak sebagai supir plus penyandang dana menolak. LOL.

Kalau mau lihat foto-foto aku bersaudara waktu lebaran, klik aja di bagian ‘Photo Album’ yang ‘Lebaran 2006′. Okay?

A-Net 13.00 261006

Salah satu ‘tradisi’ menjelang lebaran yang biasa kulakukan dengan adikku plus nyokap adalah membuat selongsong ketupat a la Gorontalo yang berbeda dengan selongsong ketupat yang biasa dijual di pasar-pasar pulau Jawa, paling tidak di daerah Semarang dan sekitarnya.
Aku mulai belajar membuat selongsong ketupat ini sejak duduk di bangku SD, lupa tepatnya kelas berapa. Satu hal yang kuingat adalah ‘nyinyirnya’ nyokap bahwa beliau belajar membuat selongsong ketupat ini sejak duduk di kelas II SD. Hasil ‘kenyinyiran’ beliau adalah aku dan adikku Nunuk bisa membuat selongsong ketupat a la Gorontalo ini, tapi adik terkecilku belum bisa, bahkan sampai sekarang.
Karena aku dan sekeluarga berlebaran hari Senin, 23 Agustus 2006, aku, Nunuk, dan nyokap mulai membuat selongsong ketupat ini hari Sabtu malam. Setelah selesai, aku minta adikku njepret hasilnya dengan digital cameranya, karena beberapa bulan lalu aku janji ke mbak Omie akan kirim pic selongsong ketupat a la Gorontalo.
Ini dia selongsong ketupat a la Gorontalo. Beda kan? Rasa isinya? Yah … sama ajalah.

A-Net 13.50 251006

I’d try to do anything
Just to be near you
Get a little bit closer
To you it’s heaven.

Whenever our eyes meet
You make my heartbeat fast
I always wanted to be near you,
Because in you, I’ve found the one.

Being close to you
Makes me feel so right
I can do everything
Wherever I go, whatever i do
The thoughts of you
Brings a smile into my heart.

Now, here you are
Closer to me
I can’t believe it’s you
Everything will change, I know
But always for me, it will be you.

JDC 15.55 211006

I was at my workplace this morning. I had two sessions to teach, 08.00-10.00 and then 10.00-12.00, the same class, Conversation Class level 2.
During the two sessions, we have a ten-minute break. During the break, I usually go back to the teachers’ room and have a chat with my workmates, or read newspaper, or read a book.
After the break was over, I went upstairs again, coz the classroom where I had my CV 2 class was located on the second floor. On the stairs, a student called my name, and hurriedly walked to me, "Ms. Nana …" I stopped, waited for her to come to me.
She asked, "Do you remember one of my classmate named Ruminatih?"
I replied, "Yes. What about with her?" I remembered that name, but I a bit forgot which one.
She went on, "She got an accident yesterday Ma’am. She got injured in her left head and her back very seriously so that she was unconscious for six hours yesterday. This morning, she died."
I responded, "Oh… I am really sorry to hear that."
I forced myself to remember which one Ruminatih was. At last I remembered, the first time she mentioned her name, I teased her by saying, "Can I call you Rumi?"
She complained, and said, "Call me Ratih Ma’am."
I said, "But Rumi was a great writer. Don’t you ever hear name Jalalludddin Rumi?"
"No Ma’am, please call me Ratih, not Rumi. I hate that name you know."
I remember it happened around 2 years ago, in one class, Intermediate 1. The class was full of students from SMA N 3 and SMA N 5 Semarang; a very lively class, very enthusiastic students, love all of them.
Ruminatih, or Ratih, already had quite good English, I liked her accent when speaking, not really like other Javanese students I had. I liked her spoilt behavior coz she was the youngest in the class at that time. It was okay for me to have spoilt student like her coz she studied seriously.
Hmmm … I am really sorry to know that such a lively, lovely, smart student only had a very short period to live in this world, although I believe she was already happy there, in that other world.
My condolences to the family.
JDC 15.50 211006

"If God is the DJ, then Life is the dance floor; Love is the rhythm, and You are the music."

"Love is not about finding the right person, but creating a right relationship. It’s not about how much love you have in the beginning but how much love you build till the end."

"Love is a noble act of self-giving, offering trust, faith, and loyalty. The more you love, the more you lose a part of yourself, yet you don’t become less of who you are; you end up being complete with your loved ones."

"Life is a song - sing it. Life is a game - play it. Life is a challenge - meet it. Life is a dream - realize it. Life is a sacrifice - offer it. Life is love - enjoy it."

"It’s not the presence of someone that gives life a beautiful meaning, it’s the way that someone touches your heart that gives life a beautiful meaning."

"Aku Ingin Pulang" adalah salah satu topik yang akhir-akhir ini marak diperbincangkan di salah satu milis yang kuikuti SASTRA-PEMBEBASAN. Mungkin karena berkenaan dengan Idul Fitri yang akan datang sebentar lagi, dimana sudah merupakan suatu tradisi di Indonesia untuk pulang kampung alias mudik, untuk merayakan Idul Fitri dengan semua sanak saudara.

FYI, orang-orang milis SP yang terkena virus "Aku Ingin Pulang" adalah orang-orang Indonesia yang bermukim di luar negeri. Tidak mudah bagi mereka untuk ikutan pulang mudik ke kampung halaman pada kesempatan hari baik ini, Idul Fitri, karena berbagai macam hal. Pertama, tentu butuh dana yang tidak sedikit. Kedua, kesibukan bekerja mereka di negeri orang itu tentu tidak bisa disesuaikan dengan kondisi di tanah air, yang sangat memanjakan ini, (libur kerja selama seminggu untuk merayakan Idul Fitri, bukankah ini sangat memanjakan?) Ketika orang-orang di Indo bisa menikmati libur panjang, orang-orang di negeri orang itu masih harus bekerja keras, demi membuat mereka hidup layak.

Tanah kelahiran orang tuaku adalah Gorontalo yang terletak di Sulawesi Utara. Keadaan uang yang tidak memungkinkan membuat orang tuaku tidak membiasakan diri pulang kampung di Idul Fitri. Sehingga kita selalu merayakan Idul Fitri di kota kelahiran anak-anak orang tuaku–Semarang. Kita tidak pernah kemana-mana.

Aku ikut merasakan mudik ketika aku kuliah di UGM Yogya, baik ketika duduk di bangku S1 maupun S2. Was it great? I dont remember. LOL.

Btw, it is great to read what those milisters living abroad write on this subject "Aku Ingin Pulang". "Home is in your heart" kata mbak Omie. "This world is just a small village to me" kata pak Danar. Apa kata Abangku? Oh well, he didnt say anything on this subject, kali karena dia sibuk sehingga tak sempat menulis di milis. Tapi aku tahu, dia selalu merindukan Indonesia sebagai tanah kelahirannya, terutama Jakarta dimana dia dilahirkan dan dibesarkan oleh Maminya tercinta.

"Kapan pulang Bang?" di NZ ga ada kodok ngangkang kan? LOL. ga ada sate Ungaran, ga ada makan di lesehan Malioboro (ga ada Maliboro di NZ toh? LOL) ga ada matahari yang mengobral sinarnya, dll dll dll …

FBS UA 12.40 201006

Why do people get married?

Kembali ke pertanyaan klise yang beberapa bulan lalu cukup sering kubahas dalam blog.

Aku yakin seharusnya orang menikah bukan hanya karena ingin mengikuti norma masyarakat sebagai "orang yang normal" => setelah memasuki umur tertentu, seseorang harus menikah agar dianggap "normal".

Menikah bukan hanya untuk memiliki keturunan, karena tanpa menikah orang tetap bisa memiliki keturunan, asalkan they have sex, dan terjadi pertemuan antara sperma dan sel telur.

Menikah bukan hanya untuk mendapatkan "tunjangan menikah" dari tempat kerja.

Menikah bukan hanya agar memiliki legal partner to have sex, agar dianggap sebagai orang "baik-baik".

dan lain lain …

Menurutku yang paling penting dari menikah adalah memiliki someone to talk to, someone to listen to, someone to rely on, seseorang yang bisa ’soothing’ kita tatkala kita "panas" di luar, ketika seseorang membuat kita mangkel atau jengkel, atau tatkala kita merasa gembira, pasangan kitalah yang akan kita luapi kegembiraan itu pertama kali, untuk berbagi kebahagiaan tersebut.

Aku memiliki seorang rekan kerja laki-laki yang cara pandangnya menunjukkan bahwa sebagai laki-laki dia harus superior, dia harus mampu mengayomi istrinya, mencukupi segala kebutuhannya, harus "lebih" dari istrinya, dll. Kalau memang dia mampu, ya go ahead lah. It is not a big deal. Tapi kalau dia tidak–atau belum–mampu? Buat apa memaksa diri? Komunikasi dengan istri adalah jalan yang terbaik. Bukankah fungsi soul mate–istilah orang Inggris–atau sigaring nyawa–istilah orang Jawa–adalah untuk berbagi suka dan duka?

Rekan kerjaku ini sedang menanti kelahiran anak pertamanya. Namun nasib baik belum berpihak kepadanya karena baru saja dia "diturunkan" statusnya dari karyawan kontrak menjadi karyawan part-timer. Dan dia merasa tidak sampai hati untuk memberitahu istrinya masalah ini. Beberapa hari lalu dia cerita istrinya minta dibelikan baju lebaran, dan dia tidak kuasa menolaknya.

He is a very good husband, that’s for sure. Tapi, mengapa dia membuat beban di pundaknya lebih berat dengan tidak membaginya dengan soulmatenya? Apakah istrinya tidak akan mau mengerti kesulitan sang suami yang baik hati ini?

Aku sendiri selalu terbuka masalah keuangan dengan anakku. Sebisa mungkin aku membagi yang aku miliki dengan Angie. Kalau aku tidak punya uang, aku akan bilang terus terang kepadanya ketika dia minta dibelikan sesuatu dan dia selalu mengerti. Kalau aku punya uang berlebih, aku akan membelikan apa yang dia ingini. Bukankah hidup menjadi lebih mudah dan ringan?

Mengapa rekan kerjaku itu tidak segera "melepaskan" saja beban superioritas sebagai laki-laki yang selalu dia sandang? Seperti aku pun telah melepaskan superioritasku sebagai seorang Ibu di mata Angie.

FBS UA 12.00 201006