Blog si Feminis

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out. – Walter Winchell –

A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway.

– Fr. Jerome Cummings –

Especially for my dearest Abang.

semalam engkau hadir dalam mimpiku, Cinta

mengenakan kemeja berwarna hijau cerah

memandangku dengan sorot mata ramah

sembari menyunggingkan senyum di bibirmu nan indah

seolah engkau ingin menyampaikan pesan,

"I am okay here, my cutie darling Nana,

and through days and nights you are always on my heart."

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After fasting for five days that means I didn’t go to the fitness center for five days too (I am not sure if my body is fit enough to do some aerobics while fasting), I am not fasting today coz I got my monthly period last night. Therefore, after taking Angie to school, I went to Paradise Club this morning, to do some cycling and aerobics.

Talking about getting my monthly period, Angie complained to me last night, "Kok Mama ga setia sih sama Angie? Mbok mens-nya entar aja kita bareng." LOL. She complained coz she will have to wake up to eat ’sahur’ without me sitting next to her! Besides, while she is awake to eat ’sahur’, I enjoy sleeping on the bed. She must be very jealous of me. LOL.

Going back from the fitness center around 09.15, I took a shower and washed some clothes.

At 10.15 I arrived at the office, opened my mailboxes, and blogs, enjoy reading some personal emails and messages from the mailing lists I join.

And I start to feel bored with this routine. :-((

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Have you ever heard the contradictory relationship between naked women and terrorists? One big ulema from hard-line fundamentalist Islamic organization in Indonesia stated that naked women are much more dangerous than terrorists.

Here is the contra statement from one famous feminist columnist in Indonesia.

Bombs, boobs, or bust: Choose your weapon!
Julia Suryakusuma, Jakarta

I read with a mix of amusement and relief Abu Bakar Ba’asyir’s statement that Indonesian TV shows featuring scantily dressed women are more dangerous than the Bali bombs because they undermine public morality (The Jakarta Post, Sept. 20, 2006). Amusement, for obvious reasons, and relief as it would be a sad day indeed when bombs are considered more dangerous than half-nude women!

Relief also that the alleged spiritual leader of Jamaah Islamiyah and the head of Majelis Mujahidin Indonesia (MMI), a hard-line Islamic organization, is openly admitting his fear of women! Well, all powerful people have their Achilles heel, and his is hardly unique. In fact, fear of women has colored much of human history.

Historically — and in most countries and cultures, it seems that men have tried to contain and repress women’s sexual (and spiritual) power through religion and other forms of institutionalized power.

It’s easy to think of examples: The burning of witches in Salem, purdah or the forced wearing of the veil, genital mutilation, putting a premium on girls’ virginity, basing family honor on the sexual control of daughters and wives, exacting severe punishment for adultery (including stoning, legal in Iran), segregating girls and women from boys and men, and now in Indonesia, the enactment of Islamic inspired local ordinances that severely restrict women’s mobility and freedoms.

And, if it’s not repression, it’s exploitation — complementary forms of control and abuse — where women — adults and children — are used for men’s sexual gratification or profit through incest, rape, sexual harassment, battering, pornography and prostitution. Men create the demand and women have to provide the supply while at the same time being expected to embody virtue and morality. The hypocrisy is astounding, but it has been typical of the patriarchal religions that have molded most cultures of the world. It was not always that way, however.

In ancient Sumeria and Babylon, for example, the queen goddess was the center of the civilization. If she was not satisfied by the male of her choice, this was seen as a sign that the land would become infertile. Then, female sexuality was at the center of power, but now we have moved from cultures that celebrated feminine sexuality to ones that try to stigmatize it.

But they don’t always succeed. I, for one, can derive a lot of pleasure — and even power — from my own sexuality. When I walk into a reception in a strappy, sexy, evening gown, cleavage showing (a little goes a long way!), long legs (even a bit of thigh — horror of horrors!) flashing from the slits in my streaming, Barbie-style, red handkerchief dress, and my long black hair flowing, all eyes are on me.

It feels good! And it’s fun, for both me and the spectators. As a former fashion model, I’m used to putting myself on display. It’s just a show, as well as a form of art. They say that woman is a work of art — God’s work of art — so I’m just displaying God’s handiwork, am I not? Afterwards, I go home, take off my make-up and jewelry, put on a sexy nightie for my husband — albeit briefly — and be a … um …. good wife to him. You can imagine!

It’s all rather harmless really, so why does everyone get all excited and hot under the collar (and elsewhere) when it comes to sex? My question for Ba’asyir specifically is, how can he assert with such certainty that women have a powerfully corrupting influence, that "watching scantily clad women on television can destroy the faith of the believer"? (AFP, Sept. 20, 2006). Does he have extensive personal experience? If he does, then he’s a hypocrite. If he doesn’t, he should politely shut up and stick to matters he is more familiar with. Bombs maybe?

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, they say, and lust and depravity is in the heart and mind of the man. When he was meditating under the bodhi tree, Buddha was tempted by, among other things, naked women. Did he budge? Did he flinch? Was the focus of his meditation diverted? No, because his faith was strong and steadfast.

Morality comes from within. We live in a world fraught with temptations — not just sexual — so better start pumping your morality muscle! Ironically, Ba’asyir seems to be tacitly admitting that he and his ilk have dirty minds and little faith. Those who need guns to convert people to their belief probably don’t even believe in God, because if they did they’d trust in Her alone to do the job. Would that not be the logical conclusion?

Why are people so uptight about nudity and sex, censoring it at every turn, yet so promiscuous about violence, which is truly vulgar and obscene? Hitler apparently was ‘celibate’ (i.e had problems getting it up), and we all know the horrors he caused. We live in a world that glorifies violence but if we glorified sex coupled with spirituality instead, we’d be all much better off.

Maybe Ba’asyir should expose himself more to female skin and roll around in the hay more, so to speak. Perhaps that might release some of the tension and nervous energy that seems to be causing him, and the Indonesian state, so much trouble. Hey, sex, power, politics — they’re all very closely related — hence my book, "Sex, Power and Nation". Read it folks!

But not everything about Ba’asyir’s statement is bad. Inadvertently, he gave me a brilliant idea about how to deal with Muslim terrorist hijackers. Rather than bother about complicated and frustrating security measures, airlines should simply eliminate all male attendants on flights and have only nude female space waiters. Since a nude woman is apparently something that completely offends potential Muslim terrorists, they will naturally avoid flying! In fact, maybe we should all run around nude and there would finally be peace in the world!

The writer is the author of Sex, Power and Nation. She can be contacted at
jsuryakusuma@mac.com or jskusuma@dnet.net.id

Luckily Julia Suryakusuma could make fun of Ba’asyir’s ridiculous and abusive statement. ME? I need some days to take a breath to control myself not to get mad. LOL.

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saatnya telah tiba

untukku kembali

ke pangkuan my lovely star

yang menungguku di rumah

Mommie is coming, honey … LOL.

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tatkala cinta tak lagi terasa di hati

kemanakah dia pergi?

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I realize that I am an extrovert person so that it is not really difficult for people to find out what has been happening to me. Besides, I also need to open up myself. I just cannot keep all things by myself, including a very trivial thing, such as some trivial experiences I have that I often write here in my blog–sitting in front of this computer for hours, while blogging, emailing–and some other things. Moreover when I feel annoyed coz of someone, I really have to tell someone else, writing to dead papers (read => my diary) is no longer enough for me.

This blog technology has lured me to write more and more, to express myself more and more. Having a "free of charge" therapist (read => my only Abang) also has lured me to express myself more. LOL. In short, I have to pour out anything on my mind to make myself feel better. Self-centered, isn’t it? Yes, I’ve got to admit it, but I write it here in my blog, and I don’t force anybody to read what I write here. If my friends find it interesting, they will read it (probably). If not, it is okay, I have poured out what I want to spit. LOL.

It reminds me of my own comment on PRIME the movie, where the main character needed to go to a therapist to tell her relationship with a guy 14 years younger. She needed to open herself about her intimate relationship with him, but she didn’t feel comfortable to tell anybody else.

I don’t need to go to a therapist. (yet? LOL.) I just need this blog technology, my dead papers–diary–, and my living papers alias my reliable garbage bin. Huehehehe …

"You no longer have secrets, Nana," my Abang said.

"Oh well, Bang, what I write in my blog is not a secret for me. Everybody in the world can know this. And it is okay for me." I responded. "But, of course I have some, or maybe many, secrets I keep for myself." LOL.

"What is secret anyway, Bang?" I asked. huehehehe …

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P.S.: Just got my Abang’s email that I really want to reply as soon as possible. So I stop writing here. LOL.

Ngomong-ngomong tentang masa-masa ‘mbalelo‘ku ketika mengenakan celana jeans dan T-shirt ketika mengajar di kampus, aku ada satu pengalaman yang selalu suka aku ingat-ingat dan ceritakan ke teman-teman.

Hari Kamis itu aku mengajar sejak jam 10am sampai malam, jam 9pm. Setelah usai mengajar sekitar jam 9pm, aku dan mahasiswaku turun ke lantai 1 naik lift. Dalam lift, ada juga beberapa mahasiswa dari fakultas lain, Fakultas Ekonomi. Setelah keluar dari lift, aku berbelok ke kanan, ke arah luar gedung, sedangkan banyak mahasiswa yang berbelok kiri, ke arah areal parkir di belakang gedung utama.

Ada seorang mahasiswa perempuan yang berusaha membarengiku ketika berjalan. Kemudian dia menyapa, "Mbak, punya pulsa nggak?"

Aku heran karena dia menyapaku ‘mbak’. Semua mahasiswa FBS menyapaku, "Bu …", atau "Ma’am…" atau pun "Miss …" Dari cara dia menyapaku aku menyimpulkan bahwa dia tidak mengenaliku sebagai dosen.

"Emang kenapa sih?" tanyaku kepadanya.

"Boleh minta pulsanya dong?" rengeknya manja.

Ups … pede banget nih cewek satu ini, pikirku.

"Untuk apa?" tanyaku lagi.

"Mau telpon minta dijemput." jawabnya, masih dengan nada manja.

"Hmm … kenapa ga sms saja?" tanyaku, pelit. LOL.

"Wah … kalo sms, lama …" responsnya.

"Waduh, sorry, pulsa limit nih," jawabku sambil cepat-cepat ngacir pergi. LOL.

"Oh, ya udah mbak," katanya.

Ada dua alasan mengapa dia tidak mengenaliku sebagai seorang dosen di tempat dia kuliah. Pertama, ya karena aku hanya memakai celana jeans dan T-shirt. Kedua, di matanya aku masih terlihat imut sehingga pantas untuk menjadi mahasiswa S1. LOL.

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Beberapa bulan kemudian, aku bertemu mahasiswa yang bersangkutan. Aku mengenakan "seragam kebesaranku", rok panjang hitam dan blus hitam. Aku membawa beberapa berkas skripsi untuk kuuji hari itu (sedang musim ujian skripsi waktu itu). Dia dengan baik hati menyapaku, "Mau ujian skripsi mbak?"

Aku geli mendengarnya. Sehingga aku dengan baik hati pula menjawabnya, "Oh enggak. Mau nguji skripsi nih," sambil tersenyum.

Aku lihat ekspresi wajahnya kaget. Dia bertanya, "Nguji? Bukannya mau ujian?"

LOL.

"Menguji." jawabku pendek, sambil tersenyum manis, agar dia tidak terlalu malu, karena tetap saja menganggapku sebagai mahasiswa.

Dan dia melongo.

Hahaha …

Kesimpulan: Dia menganggapku sebagai seorang mahasiswa bukan karena aku mengenakan celana jeans dan T-shirt waktu itu, melainkan karena dia mengira bahwa wajahku terlalu imut untuk pantas menjadi seorang dosen. LOL.

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Mengacu ke tulisanku sebelum ini, mengenai si pemilik mobil kuning yang membuatku shocked ketika melihatnya, LOL, juga ceweknya teman kuliahku S1 si Y, aku menulis di sini.

Jadi ingat ketika aku membaca buku yang berjudul Literature and Gender, tulisan Lizbeth Goodman. Di bagian introduction, ada sebuah sketsa yang menunjukkan bahwa gambar itu jika dilihat dari satu sisi memperlihatkan gambar seorang wanita muda, dari depan. Sedangkan jika dilihat dari sisi yang lain, gambar itu menunjukkan seorang perempuan tua yang digambar dari samping, dan terlihat hidung bengkoknya.

Satu gambar yang sama bisa diinterpretasikan dua hal yang berkebalikan. (unfortunately I cannot find it in the internet right now so that I cannot show it to my blog readers here.)

Mengapa harus ada pengkotak-kotakan bahwa yang seperti ini cantik/cakep/indah dipandang mata, mengapa yang lain itu biasa-biasa saja atau bahkan buruk rupa? Siapa yang merasa memiliki hak untuk menentukan bahwa yang seperti ini cantik/jelek dan sebagainya itu? Apa yang membuatnya merasa menjadi memiliki hak untuk menentukan hal itu? Apa tendensi/background dari orang tersebut melakukan ‘pengkotak-kotakan’ seperti ini? Apakah Tuhan, sebagai Sang Maha Pencipta, memang pernah bermaksud untuk menciptakan makhluk yang buruk rupa selain yang indah? Pernahkah kita berpikir bahwa Tuhan memang sengaja menciptakan yang buruk rupa itu agar yang lain bisa disebut indah menawan karena cantik/cakep/indah tidak akan terlihat jika tidak ada padanan yang biasa-biasa saja/buruk.

Budaya populer sebangsa televisi, surat kabar, majalah, dan sekarang ini internet yang ditunggangi oleh kebutuhan para kapitalis telah melanggengkan oposisi biner cantik/buruk rupa ini. Iklan-iklan di televisi/surat kabar dan lain-lain itu telah menciptakan ‘gap’ antara yang cantik dan buruk rupa. Bahwa yang cantik itu seseorang yang langsing, berkulit putih, mulus tanpa jerawat, berambut panjang lurus, feminin, dan lain sebagainya. Sehingga ketika mereka yang tidak memenuhi ‘kaidah’ kecantikan yang telah ditentukan oleh iklan-iklan tersebut harus sadar diri bahwa mereka itu buruk ataupun biasa-biasa saja.

Aku telah berkutat dengan ide ini selama beberapa tahun (stop being abused by those silly advertisements on the idea of what beauty is). Namun toh terkadang aku masih juga do silly thing, seperti tiba-tiba berkomentar ke Angie, tentang si pemilik mobil kuning menawan, "Wah … mobilnya keren abizz, kok si empunya …???" Dan Angie tertawa mendengarnya. (Oh, I am really so sorry now for having said such a thing though it was in the kidding mood with my only daughter.)

Kita harus selalu ingat bahwa kita telah dipermainkan oleh iklan-iklan yang sama sekali tidak mendidik itu sekian lama, dan banyak di antara kita telah menjadi korban iklan, dengan mengkonsumsi produk-produk yang diiklankan di televisi/majalah/surat kabar, dll, karena ingin menjadi seperti model yang mengiklankankan produk tersebut.

Kapankah kita mampu mengontrol hidup kita sendiri, tanpa pengaruh dari luar?

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