Blog si Feminis

To be a housewife is one modern thing that most women are supposed to covet in this era.

This statement was proposed by one member of the mailing list I join, Sastra-Pembebasan. (Sastra = Literature, while Pembebasan = freedom). I assume that the one who proposed this idea is one member of that Islamic fundamental group. He came to this conclusion when his wife one day, some years ago, told him that she would quit working outside and pay more attention and time for the family. It happened when he and the family lived in America some years ago.

The ridiculous thing is then he considered it as the standard of being modern for women, LOL, also as the standard of happiness for women. Moreover, then he somewhat forced other women to follow his wife’s path coz he said that nowadays many American women choose to be housewife more than to be working mothers (and would “produce” naughty, unhappy, rebellious, bla bla bla children coz women would not have enough time for the children.)

If I relate it to my previous article on Charlotte Perkins Gilman’s criticism on housewife’s role promoted by the Cult of True Womanhood in the middle of the nineteenth century, this ridiculous man is left behind many centuries before. LOL.

The second wave of feminist movement in America starting in 1960s showed the tendency of most feminists to abolish the façade that being a housewife was the most coveted “profession” for women. I am of opinion that this was the heritage of the cult of True Womanhood in the nineteenth century America that still covered American culture during the first half of the twentieth century. Therefore, many feminists showed their dislike for women who chose to be a housewife.

However, the post-feminisms ideology offered new things. Women have their full rights to choose what they want to do in their life—whether to pursue their own career outside home or at home. We emphasize more on the rights of women to make their own decision. When a woman chooses to be a full housewife, it must be from the woman’s decision, and not the husband’s choice, moreover the husband’s command. On the contrary, we also respect women’s decision to work outside and become financially independent.

The main point of feminisms ideology—in my opinion—is that women have full rights for their own choice for their own life: what to wear, what to do, whom to marry, what profession to have, etc. Women no longer need husbands’ permission only to do something that sometimes is only a trivial thing.

Only not confident men will not let their wives do this and that. Only not confident men will abuse the verses from their holy books—the Bible or the Alquran let’s say—to justify what they do to control women from their rights to have their own life.

PT56 12.11 140706

                                                 THE HOUSEWIFE

         Charlotte Perkins Gilman

(1860-1935)

Here is the House to hold me–cradle of all the race;
Here is my lord and my love, here are my children dear–
Here is the House enclosing, the dear-loved dwelling place;
Why should I ever weary for aught that I find not here?

Here for the hours of the day and the hours of the night;
Bound with the bands of Duty, rivetted tight;
Duty older than Adam–Duty that saw
Acceptance utter and hopeless in the eyes of the serving squaw.

Food and the serving of food–that is my daylong care;
What and when we shall eat, what and how we shall wear;
Soiling and cleaning of things–that is my task in the main–
Soil them and clean them and soil them–soil them and clean them again.

To work at my trade by the dozen and never a trade to know;
To plan like a Chinese puzzle–fitting and changing so;
To think of a thousand details, each in a thousand ways;
For my own immediate people and a possible love and praise.

My mind is trodden in circles, tiresome, narrow and hard,
Useful, commonplace, private–simply a small backyard;
And I the Mother of Nations!–Blind their struggle and vain!
I cover the earth with my children–each with a housewife’s brain.

Charlotte Perkins Gilman is one favorite feminist writer of mine. Spending half of her time in the end of the nineteenth century America, Gilman of course still underwent the cult of True Womanhood in which one of the tenets is the cult of domesticity—being a housewife.

Appearing in the beginning of the eighteenth century, the cult of True Womanhood soon got a strong support from the religious bodies. The clergymen “trickily” and quickly were trying to find some verses in the Bible to strengthen the place for women—at home; forgetting that in the previous centuries women were also active in the public sphere. Not wanting to leave the puritan heritage of their ancestor as a pious nation, Americans put the burden to raise pious children to women’s shoulders. These pious children would be the future national leaders. The “interference” of the religious bodies successfully made most women coming from middle and high social class easily believed that they were born to stay home, to do household chores, to serve the husbands who worked in the industry outside home (after the Industrial Revolution was spread from England starting in the end of the seventeenth century and America in the beginning of the eighteenth century.

Gilman was one victim of the mother who strongly believed that she was born to stay home, no matter what happened. Her father left her mother and the two children in 1869. Her mother’s financial dependence forced them to move from one relative’s house to another, nineteen times in eighteen years. This also made the mother not able to show the care and love the children needed.

This bitter childhood made Gilman determined since a very young age to think that it was important for women to be financially independent. Being a full housewife would hamper a woman to be financially secure coz a woman wouldn’t have enough time to actualize her own skill, talent, and want. She wouldn’t have ample time to pursue her own career.

The poem I quoted above clearly shows Gilman’s criticism of the pride to be a housewife for women during her era.

In the first stanza, Gilman’s choice of word “lord” shows the unequal relationship between the husband and the wife. The word “lord” is used to show respect for someone who has a higher status. The husband—man—is the superior, while the wife—woman—is the inferior. A mother is even also less important than the children.

This condition is also criticized by Aquarini when her husband complained to her, “Why can’t you be an ordinary wife coz I am also only an ordinary husband?” After trying to find out what is the definition of “ordinary wife”, she came to a conclusion where one of them is when the family having meals, this housewife who has busily prepared the meals must let the husband eat first while she feeds the small children. After everybody is full, it is time for the “good” wife to have her own meal. After that, the husband will watch television or read newspapers, the wife continues working—doing the dishes. This illustration shows that the husband—the one who earns the money—is the “lord”, the respected one. The woman is the inferior.

The second stanza illustrates how doing the household chores has become the main duty for a housewife, all day long. It shows that the working hours for a housewife are almost for twenty-four hours. When can she have her own leisure time to do things she wants to enjoy for herself? However, a woman must accept it. Stanzas three and four explain more what a housewife must do—preparing the meals and clothes for the whole family members.

The last stanza is Gilman’s ultimate criticism of the existence of housewife as one “profession” for women in that era. When a woman is busy doing all those household chores and she doesn’t have time to improve knowledge, and do other intellectual things, how can society put the burden of raising the future national leaders on the shoulders of women whose mind is always occupied with doing household chores?

PT56 11.45 140706

Soft as a breeze
He touches my hair.
Can’t see his face
But I know he’s there.

Morning brings light
a knock at my door
He’s standing right there
The man I adore.

I feel so anxious today

I myself don’t know why

(haruskah kutanyakan

pada rumput yang bergoyang?)

P.S.: Kok tiba-tiba jadi inget lirik lagunya Ebiet yah? LOL.

Dari milis #Sastra-Pembebasan#, mengkritik perda di Makassar yang mengharuskan siswi SMP dan SMA memakai rok panjang.

Sebenarnya,

Rok,

Panjang kek,
Pendek kek,
Siapapun tak ambil pusing.

Seandainya laki-laki masih mengeong,
Artinya kucing mau mati.

I just read news about ‘Breast Ironing’ from http://superkween.blog.co.uk
Gosh, this is very shockingly terrifying for me. To avoid rape, many women iron their daughters’ breasts so that they will not grow well, worried that big breasts will invite men to rape them.
Here in Indonesia, feminists struggle so that the Pornography Bill will not be legalized (e.g. women must cover most parts of their body; mothers must not breastfeed their babies in public places, etc), In my opinion it already oppresses women’s right to choose what clothes they are going to wear, and forbids babies to get their rights (to get milk from their mothers anywhere and anytime they want). It is already ridiculous in my opinion.
Moreover the practice of breast-ironing.

Today, Thursday July 12 2006, I just opened a website to make sure that my lovely star got accepted at her dream senior high school. And I found her name among the other students-to-be.

Wow … I am very happy. At last, she really follows my path! From SMP N 1 to SMA N 3 Semarang. I love it!!!

Jam 11.30 aku telah sampai di warnet tempat mangkalku, yang terletak di Jalan Imam Bonjol.
Tukang parkir menyapaku, "Baru jam segini sudah pulang kerja mbak?"
Aku cuma tersenyum. Kenyataannya? Aku baru berangkat dari rumah, langsung mampir ke warnet karena akan posting beberapa artikel yang telah kuketik kemarin di blog. Biasa, komputer di kantor terlalu lemot dan penuh virus, sehingga aku memilih ke warnet. Agar cepet posting ke blog, dan cepet pula dapat komentar, dan cepet membalas komentar, bla bla bla …
Pertanyaan bapak tukang parkir jadi membuatku berpikir warnet ini telah menjadi kantor ketigaku. LOL. FYI, I work for two places at the moment, so warnet ini menjadi kantor ketiga, bukan kedua. LOL.
Ngomong-ngomong tentang tukang parkir yang dulu sempet ‘abuse’ aku, well, sekarang ga begitu lagi. Bagaimana caranya? Well, aku CUEKIN mereka!!! LOL.
Jadi inget komentar Verra. "Ms. Nana terlalu ramah sih ke mereka. Biasalah, laki-laki kalo diramahin kan jadinya gitu, ngelonjak."
Setelah kucuekin, yah … they stop looking at me abusively, moreover greeting with nasty sentences.
Oh laki-laki …
Emang NYEBELIN!!!