Blog si Feminis

I feel more at ease to make friend with female rather than male. I believe it is because of my upbrining, especially during my childhood.
In elementary school, I went to Islamic school where boys studied in one classroom while girls studied in another room. Girls had to wear veil and long dress to cover their bodies. They were not allowed to enter the boys’ room, and on the other way around. Our teachers told us strictly that it was HARAM to be close to the opposite sex, moreover to touch them, and more than that. FYI, HARAM means if people do it, they will get punishment from God, while they will get reward from God if the don’t do it.
As far as I remember, my teachers taught us that God does not only have merciful and loving character, but also cruel coz of the existence of hell. And my teachers imposed the punishment more than the reward we would get from God, I suppose, so we were frightened to do those things considered HARAM.
The strict rule–and the threat of the extremely hot fire in hell–really mde me feel uncomfortable to make friend closely with boys. As a result, I only made friends with girls. I had a chat with boys too, of course, but I didn’t dare to do more than that, moreover to have a close relationship with boys.
It continued until I was in Junior High School. At that time, I had some close friends who were all girls. I really didn’t feel secure to make good friends with boys.
In Senior High School, I experienced a bit different thing. I majored in ‘Bahasa’ (Language) in which there were only two boys and two girls in one class. I was close to both of those boys, confided in them too about some personal problems of mine.
In my bachelor degree, again I didn’t make good friend with boys.
I didn’t have many boyfriends either before marrying my only daughter’s father. I believe that it was really caused by the strict rule I got when I was in elementary school. Besides the "myth" saying that a girl who has many boyfriends is not a good girl. And it really hanuts many girls’ mind. (They are really afraid to be considered by society that they are bad girls only coz of having many boyfriends.)
In my master’s degree, there were 13 students in my major, 2 men, and 11 women. And, again, I only made good friends with the girls.
Indeed, until now, I still cannot make good friend with guys.

IRC yang hiruk pikuk
Dengan berjuta chatters
Tersebar di seluruh penjuru
Tak kuasa membuatku mampu
Menghapus kerinduanku padamu
Karena tak kutemui nick mu

Di sini
Aku tetap merasa sunyi
Sepi

Harus kemana lagi
Kucari sekeping hati
Yang telah kau curi?
PT56 06.27 210606

Jangan pergi
Bersamaku di sini
Menemani hari sepiku
Tak kan lagi buka lembaran lalu
Dan mengusik luka lama

Jangan pergi dariku
Tinggalkanku
Bawa daku kemana kau pergi
Jangan lari dariku
Jangan tepis rinduku
Ku tak bisa berpaling darimu
Semuanya telah untukmu

Maafkanlah memang aku yang salah
Dan tak pernah mau mengerti
Tak kan lagi buka lembaran lalu
Dan mengusik luka lama

Jangan pergi dariku
Tinggalkanku
Bawa daku ke mana kau pergi
Jangan lari dariku
Jangan tepis rinduku
Ku tak bisa berpaling darimu
Semuanya telah untukmu

Rasa cinta nurani pun tak kan berdusta
Perasaan asmara tanpa kenal perbedaan
PT56 06.21 210606

P.S. : This is one sentimental song I like to sing when I want him.

I have tried posting this picture in my special blog for Angie at http://my-lovely-star.blogspot.com but it failed again and again. So? Well, I go back to this dearest friendster blog. LOL.

This picture was taken when Angie joined Busana Muslim competition held by McDonald’s Java Mall in November 2001.

The unforgettable experience when joining this competition was that Angie almost didn’t get a chance to go to the stage. With no clear reason, the MC didn’t call the number of the participants in sequence. Angie got number 7, and her number was not mentioned until the end. The MC mentioned another name, instead of the first name of Angie, DZIKRINA. I suppose this name was somewhat difficult to pronounce? Unfortunately, I don’t remember now what name was mentioned instead of DZIKRINA.

I already got nervous. (See? Parents sometimes get more nervous than the kids who join the competition. LOL.) When suddenly the MC said that the competition ended, and one participant was dismissed coz she had been called to the front three times and didn’t show up, I confidently went to the MC and told her that Angie didn’t get her chance yet to go to the front and walked on the stage. Angie got number 7, but she called number 9. Angie’s name was called another name. So??? It was not really Angie’s mistake, was it?

So, Angie went to the stage. I was more nervous if it would ruin Angie’s mood on the stage. Her modelling instructor who sat next to me seemed calm.

And when the winners were announced, Angie got the second winner.

Angie looked very excited. Me? Not more than excited than she was, of course. LOL.

In
one article I read in the local newspaper, Abu Bakar Ba’asyir, one
controversial figure in Indonesia proposed Sharia regulation applied in one city in Central Java–
the province where I live now. One example of the application is that when a
Muslim person doesn’t do the Islamic teachings—let’s say pray five times a
day—police must arrest him/her. During Ramadhan month (fasting month for
Muslim), when police find out a Muslim doesn’t fast (perhaps he is still eating
out in a food stall or restaurant), police must arrest him/her. Women who don’t
wear hijab (veil) will be arrested and be jailed. And so on.

It
reminded me of one discussion I had some time ago with my two friends. Both of
them wear hijab in their daily life, I don’t. In my eyes, they are more pious
than I am coz I consider myself as a secular person. I talked to them that many
Muslim people in Indonesia do the Islamic teachings only coz they are afraid to go to
hell. The expectation that people who do the teachings regularly and well will
become “good” people (read è not harming other
people) doesn’t really come true. In the reality there are many examples where
people who do the teachings of their religion also do other things that harm
other people; corruption, collusion, and many other things.

And
now, if that Sharia regulation is really applied here (it has been applied in
some areas in Indonesia) there will be more hypocrite people. They do the teachings
not to get closer to their God, but coz they are afraid of being arrested and
jailed. Police will be busier to watch
the citizens who don’t pray five times a day, who don’t fast during Ramadhan
month, who don’t wear hijab, etc. It will create a new “field” of irresponsible
police to get more illegal money from the “victims” for bribery. And government
must build more prisons to accommodate the “criminals”.

This
is much more ridiculous than the Pornography Bill.

Suddenly
I remember what I learned in the very beginning of my study at American Studies
Department. With the “discovery” of American continent at the end of the
fifteenth century, many people from England—known as Puritan–migrated there
coz they didn’t feel secure to live in their native land coz they couldn’t
adhere to the religion they believed.

When
Indonesian people don’t feel secure anymore to live in their native country,
will they look for another place to escape?

PT56
22.28 180606

I
just read a short story entitled “Kutukan Tuhan” (God’s curse) in Suara
Merdeka, a local newspaper. The writer is one “big” writer in Indonesia–Putu Wijaya. He beautifully “criticized” the way people
related natural disasters to God’s curse.

I
once heard/read an article about people—I assume they are Muslim
people—suspected that the earthquake happened in Yogya coz of God’s anger. The
worst area damaged by the earthquake last May 27, 2006 was Bantul, an area
where many people converted from Islam to another religion. That rumor stated,
“It is God’s hint that they must atone by converting back to Islam.”

It
made me question how about Tsunami? It happened more than 2 years ago in Aceh
where the majority of the inhabitants are Muslim. Of course the victims were
majority Muslims too.

However,
Putu Wijaya’s short story is not related to that “apostate” thing. God’s curse
came to those sinful and bad people.

How
hurtful and not empathetic that “accusation” is.

I
suppose that those people suffering from the earthquake will feel hurt when
knowing that they were accused as sinful and bad so that they deserved to be
punished like that.

While
in fact, there are still many other people who have done much more harmful
things to other people (e.g. corruptors) still survive “peacefully” and enjoy
the “hot” money.

And
how those people who say that the earthquake was coz of “God’s curse” have
become wise guy. Have they become God themselves so that they daringly said
that the earthquake was coz of God’s curse?

What
is going on with the way people think and view events, natural disasters, etc?

PT56
21.37 180606

Saturday doesn’t always mean weekend for me. In fact, this term I can say that Saturday is not weekend at all for me, though I don’t get any class on Saturday. It was coz a workmate of mine asked me to substitute him on Saturday morning for five weeks while he had an outside class. And, some other time, my other workmates asked me to substitute them. So? Every Saturday I am in my workplace.
Like today, this morning, I proctored a TOEFL test for about two and a half hours. Then, I had lunch together with some workmates. After that, while waiting for the time to substitute another workmate, to oral examine at 2-6pm this afternoon, I spent my break at one cyber cafe located close to my workplace.
I have read some messages I got from some mailing lists I join. Oh yeah, before leaving my workplace, one friend asked me where I would go. I said, "Oh you know, I am included into those who really depend on internet. I want to check my mailboxes and blogs!"
And here in the cyber cafe, I have done some things, posted some things in my blogs, did some editing in the setting or change the design/template, sent some funny messages to friends, etc.
And now, I want to write a little in this blog of mine.
Tomorrow, I will go swimming in the morning. Then, I will attend a workmate’s wedding party. Perhaps I will just spend my afternoon and evening at home, typing something in my beloved computer, or reading something, or lazying myself away on the bed.

How well can we avoid expecting someone to be someone we idolize? As usual, it is easy to say, but it is difficult to do.

Especially for my friend whose life experience I illustrated here in my post "Fairy Tales". Also for myself. LOL.

Tuhan,

tak Kau dengarkah bisikku

betapa kuingin lelah untuk mencintainya

karena dia begitu jauh kugapai

      namun tak juga lelah itu menerpaku

      tetap saja aku menyanyikan lagu cinta untuknya

      tetap saja kutulis puisi cinta untuknya

      tetap saja hari-hariku terhiasi senyum menawannya

Tuhan,

tak Kau dengarkah pintaku

betapa kuingin menghapus rasa dambaku padanya

karena dia tak selalu berada di sisi

      namun tak juga hilang rasa rinduku padanya

      tetap saja aku mengharapkan peluk hangatnya

      tetap saja aku memimpikan ciuman lembutnya

      tetap saja bibirku menyebut namanya di setiap helaan nafas
JDC 10.10 160606