Blog si Feminis

Some days ago, in one local newspaper, I read an article about a woman—in her forties—killed her husband. When being interrogated by the police, she didn’t show any regret; instead, she said she felt relieved. Simply she said, during their marriage for 17 years, the husband did a lot of violence to her. She didn’t attack him back. However, in the last “fight”, her husband tried to kill her; therefore she had to fight back. And she killed him using a big stone hit to his head.

Another news stated that a twenty-year-old boy killed his stepfather who married his mother two years ago. His reason was he didn’t have a heart to see his stepfather did violence to his mother all the time during their two-year marriage.

Why didn’t the first woman divorce her husband if he always did violence to her? I think the reason was simple: the “myth” planted to people’s mind that people are supposed to get married only once in their life if they want to be considered as “good” people, and also, “good” woman must submit to her husband.

Why did the second woman remarry? To live “single” after the first husband died or coz of divorce is not easy for women here. Society will keep an eye to this kind of women. Other women will be suspicious in case these “single” women would steal their husband. To avoid this, many women choose to remarry, even though the man is violent.

One workmate of mine whose husband died in the early of 2005 remarried by the end of 2005, with her junior high school friend who happened to be still unemployed. Perhaps it was not easy for her to live single (so that it was not a big deal for my workmate to marry an unemployed.) Most people need a companion to live this life. But perhaps it was also caused by this workmate of mine didn’t feel confident to live single when society view her suspiciously (and other women show suspicious look feeling worried if she would steal their husband.)

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One aerobics instructor’s husband in the club I join passed away around a week ago. Last Saturday, some people talked about that. One member of that “exclusive” gang (Y) said that she went to the funeral with her husband. It made a woman—around mid forties—talk to a woman sitting next to me, “Hey, you said that she is still single. Didn’t you hear that she came to the funeral with her husband?”

I jokingly commented, “Whose husband?” (I don’t know anything about Y and the other members of exclusive gang’s habit. Well, people talk about their “bad habit”, but I don’t understand about it. I seldom have friendly chat and have small talk with other members of the club. Besides, I don’t like to find out other people’s personal problems.)

R sitting next to me responded, “Yeah, whose husband? Perhaps another woman’s husband but she admitted as her husband?”

Ups … I didn’t expect that my joke in fact caused other people to gossip. L It made me shut my mouth.

R continued saying, “Y said that she didn’t want to get involved with a guy for a long relationship. She did it just for fun with many guys.”

I didn’t comment anything coz I didn’t want to make the situation worse. But it didn’t mean that I didn’t go on listening to other people’s chat. LOL. Besides, I wanted to know more about the other members of the club.

This mid-forties woman continued saying, “I don’t understand why those women don’t feel shy to lie naked in front of many men. I myself feel very shy to my very own husband, that’s why I always do it in the dark.”

Apparently she followed the stereotyping people do; “good” women must not show their desire to men, including their own husbands; they must be passive; bad women are those who show their passion openly, moreover to do it with many men, outside wedlock.

In this patriarchal society, where women are considered to be successful if they can get husband, they’ve got to show to other people that they are “good” woman, so that they deserve to be married by a man. To be considered “good”, they must find the “contradictory”—“bad” woman, so that they busily find out the weakness of other women. Binary opposition requires two contradictory things, good versus bad; passive versus active, the oppressed versus the oppressor, etc.

I didn’t give any comment to what these two mid-forties women talked about. I didn’t like people to judge other people using their own perspective without trying to understand it from different perspective. I chose to keep quiet.

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Why do people tend to gossip about other people? Why don’t they just mind their own matter?

To forget their own problems in their life? To make themselves relieved that they are not the only ones who have problems, people need to find out other people’s weaknesses?

Last Sunday–June 18, 2006–when attending a wedding party of a workmate, I saw the new receptionist in my workplace—in her early twenties—come with a guy. I thought he was her boyfriend. In fact, he is her husband. Coz I didn’t know that she was already married, I commented, “Oh, she is already married? I don’t know about it yet.” Well, I suppose it was not my mistake not knowing that she was already married, was it? I never like to dig out other people’s personal problem. I view her as a receptionist, not as a wife of someone, or a child of someone, or a parent of someone. Or was it coz I was an ignorant person?

My comment in fact invited one workmate to talk more about that new receptionist. She said, “She also already has a baby, two and a half years old. She is too young to have a two and a half year old baby, isn’t she? That showed that her marriage was caused of “something”. (read è getting pregnant before the wedding party. In Indonesia it is still considered a disgrace.)

Knowing the atmosphere no longer conducive, (I don’t like to talk about other people’s personal problem), I tried to stop it by saying, “What’s wrong with our culture? When someone is still single, especially if she/he is considered old enough to get married, society will besiege her/him with questions such as, “When will you get married?” or “When will I get a wedding invitation from you?” After someone gets married for some time, people will besiege them with questions, “So, are you /is your wife already pregnant?” Now that she (the receptionist) already got married and already had a baby, people still talk about her. Why don’t we just shut our mouth talking about other people’s personal life?”

A male workmate—approaching forty years old and still single—laughed loudly hearing what I said. He responded, “Yeah, that’s one characteristic of our people here, Ma’am.”

Well, I just want to try to have a healthier society, where people stop bullying other people’s personal affair.

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Tra la la tri li li

senangnya rasa hati

saat ini

Love is indeed a splendoured thing!!!

Ada satu ruang di hatiku
yang selalu menyanyikan lagu rindu
dan lagu cinta
untukmu

Dan setelah sekian lama
tak kau tengok jua ruang rindu dan cintaku itu
aku ingin menutupnya rapat-rapat

Aku ingin lelah
(karena aku memang telah lelah)
Aku ingin bosan
(namun aku belum jua bosan)

Yang bisa kulakukan hanyalah
menunggu
menunggu
menunggu

(mengapa tak juga kugunakan akal sehatku?)

Aku ingin berteriak
Lepas
Menghempaskan semua

Angin
Bawalah aku pergi
Jauh
Bebaskan aku
Dari semua resah ini
Dari gelisah ini
yang menyergap hatiku tiba-tiba

Betapa aku hanyalah seorang yang rapuh

From a friend’s blog at http://doncasterhaikupoet.blog.co.uk/

Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.

In the first book of the Bible, Guinness’s, God got tired and took the Sabbath off.

Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark.

Lot

’s wife was a pillar of salt by day but a ball of fire by night.

The Jews were proud people and throughout history had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.

Moses led the Hebrews to the

Red Sea

, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.

The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

Moses died before he ever reached

Canada

.

The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus she sang the Magna Carta.

Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

He also explained, "Man doth not live by sweat alone."

The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.

The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

St Paul

cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony which is another name for marriage.

Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

Tell me, when you look at me
Do you still love everything you see
Do you still want me for who I am
Or do you wish I was a better woman

Tell me, when you call my name
Does it still feel the same
Do I still make your heart beat fast
Do you still pray for this to forever last

Tell me, when you hold me tight
Do you still want me throughout the night
Do I still turn you on
Or has the feeling been long gone

Tell me, when you see me smile
Does is still make everything all right
Are you sure that you still want me near
Are my words still sweet to hear

Tell me, when time has passed
Will you still feel that this is meant to last
Will I still be second to none
Can you promise me that I’ll always be the one

" If you shut your door to all errors, Truth will be shut out."
- by Tagore

Impossible it may seem,
To mend a broken heart
So many pieces to recover,
So many memories torn apart.
I don’t know where to begin
Or even how to describe
This feeling I have
That’s etched deep inside.
There are so many things I want to give you
So many things I want you to see
So many things I want you to feel,
As I sit here patiently.
Patiently waiting
For the time come
Where your heart beats for me
And two hearts beat as one.
So, with every flower I give you
And every letter I write
A new piece of your heart is unveiled
For me to hold tight.
With every tear you shed
As I kiss them away
Another distant memory
Just faded away.
As we hold hands together
And have those late night talks
Your heart will become one
And love’s journey, again, you shall walk.