Blog si Feminis

Luckily these past a few days, Indonesian people have been "entertained" by one drama done by Bambang Trihatmojo’s family on this polygamy thing. (FYI, Bambang Trihatmojo is one sone of the previous president of Indonesia, Soeharto). His first wife (named Halimah) and also the children (named Gendis and Panji) did some damage to the dwelling of Mayangsari, the second wife of Bambang. (Well, so far, we ONLY know Mayang as the second wife, who knows in fact he has many other wives unknown by media? LOL. Look at Tommy’s case for another example. Again, Tommy is also a son of Soeharto. He is ‘notoriously’ known as Don Juan in Indonesia.)
Actually I am not the type of infotainment audience who is hungry for any gossip from celebrities. Not at all. However, coz since last week, I have been bothered by the plan of Puspo Wardoyo to launch tabloid named POLIGAMI, the drama of Bambang Tri’s family really attracted me.
Who gets the benefit from this practice?
First, the asshole guy who thinks that to have one wife is not enough, to have one living blanket is not enough, so that he needs to have another one.
Second, probably the second wife. Many reasons behind this. Perhaps the main reason is MONEY (Note: if the guy is wealthy, such as Bambang Tri). STATUS is the following reason. (Referring to the fact that in Indonesia, people still stick to the consensus that to be happy is to get married. FAIRY TALES INDEED!!!) Also, you will be considered NOT SOLD OUT (UNWANTED) if you live single, moreover for those above thirty years old. For not confident women, they will choose to be the second wife, instead of being besieged by unempathical question, "When will you get married?"
As it happened some time ago in Indonesia, a woman was willing to be the nth wife of a famous singer, I concluded that WANTS TO BE FAMOUS can be the next reason. By being famous, this woman expects to be hired as a movie star, a model, etc.
Third, probably the first wife. I imagine if this wife no longer loves the husband so she feels disgusted to "serve" him in bed, so that she lets her husband have another wife. Probably, she then enjoys herself with her boyfriend. or she just enjoys the money from the husband, doing traveling around the world, shopping to her heart’s content, etc.
HOWEVER, from the case of Bambang Tri’s, we can conclude that the ones who get this benefit are Bambang himself and Mayang. The attack done by Halimah and her children showed that she didn’t let her husband share his love, care, perhaps including MONEY with another woman.
Although in Al-Quran, in Surah An-Nisa it is stated that a man can have more than one wife (up to four), the hurt in Halimah’s heart shows that what Bambang Tri has done can be considered as SIN, coz it is obviously seen that he cannot be fair. In the same Surah, it is also stated the main requirement for this polygamy doer: MUST BE FAIR (ADIL!) Adil in this case means that no one will get hurt, everybody is happy with that. (FYI, ADIL is an Arabic word. It is similar to FAIR. But FAIR here is not valued materialistically, such as house, car, money, etc, but it is more to heart, love, and care.)
So, again, I stick to my principle: THOSE PEOPLE WHO SAY THAT POLYGAMY IS SIMILAR TO SUNNAH RASUL ARE ONLY HEARTLESS CREATURE. Well, in fact I don’t want to judge, but who knows in God’s eyes The Most Merciful, hurting the wife’s heart is also a SIN. (well, although I always think that being sinful or not is not human being’s authority to decide, but it exclusively belongs to God the Almighty.)
My pray:
God, I want to see with my very own eyes those who have done violence to women, physically, psychologically, mentally, will get the most severe punishment from YOU, in this world. Amin.

Talking about polygamy, I remember two women I know. One of them is an old friend of mine. We used to go to the same junior high school. The other one, I just knew her some months ago virtually.
My old friend, T, divorced her first husband who worked as a seaman in 2000. I don’t really know the main reason why she did it. She just told me that her first husband was a sex maniac. When he was at home (two months every year—he spent 10 months a year at sea), She told me that her husband asked her to serve him in bed for more than 10 times a night, without caring whether his wife, T, enjoyed it or not. One risk to be a woman—your body no longer belongs to you after you get married—is a popular belief in my country. T couldn’t refuse her husband of course due to that belief. Probably traumatic coz of something, T told me she never enjoyed having sex.
Some years later, T told me that she had married another man. She said she “got trapped” by his pathetic story—that he was only an unhappy man with an authoritarian wife; controlling him now and again; and he also promised her to divorce his first wife as soon as they got married. The reality? Five years has passed and my friend is still looking forward to the time when his half-time husband divorces the first wife.
My friend doesn’t have a steady job but she can earn enough money from doing some business—such as selling clothes, making some cookies and then selling them, etc. One thing she told me why she remarried—she needed to have a status. FYI, in Indonesia, to be married for women especially is a highly appreciated status more than single status, moreover a widow/divorcee. Besides that, she also always dreams to involve herself with some womanly activities done by wives at their husbands’ office. Unfortunately she cannot do it coz she didn’t marry her second husband lawfully—using the country law. They got married only using religion’s law. It means that my friend doesn’t get legal document from the country to show that she is married.
Right now, my friend lives in Semarang, my hometown, with her two children from her first husband. Her second husband is infertile so that she cannot have babies from him. Her husband lives in Jakarta with his first wife and the children she got from her first husband. My friend graduated from senior high school only, showing that she is not really well-educated. NOTE: being not well-educated, she is easily made to be “blind” when Ulama (Islamic scholar) says that men are allowed to have more than one wife by citing Surah An-Nisa number 3 in Al-Quran, forgetting that there is the MAIN REQUIREMENT to have more than one wife, that is to treat and love the wives fairly. Still in the same Surah, it is also stated that human beings will not be able to be fair. This is taken by many feministic (or humanist) Ulama to say that polygamy is not allowed in Islam.
The second woman, S, has a bit similar experience. I myself never meet her in person yet. One thing that made me not understand why she was willing to be the second wife is that she graduated from a Master’s Degree. She is supposed to be able to use her common sense (well, of course this is only my point of view) that in practice of polygamy (especially polygyny) women always become victims.
She lives in a different city from her part-time husband. She lives with her only son (from her first husband) in Yogyakarta, while her husband lives in Jakarta with his first wife and their child.
Since the first time she told me that she is the second wife of a man—that I dubbed as a player coz he often has affair with other women outside the marriage—I have never understood what made her marry him.
Status? In her friendster profile, she wrote that she is single. In her blog, once in a while she wrote in her posts of looking for a husband who loves God first and loves her second. (Reading her post made me question myself, what number she is in her part-time husband’s priority, coz he has one wife and one kid from this first wife. LOL) Of course not “married” status she was looking for when marrying her part-time husband.
Money? She has got a steady job so I believe that she is financially secure. Her income is more than enough to provide for herself and her only son.
Companionship? What kind of companionship does she get from such a relationship? Only by phone is enough? Yogyakarta-Jakarta needs around two hours by plane, remembering that Jakarta is the city always full with traffic jam problem that will take him some hours to come to the airport to go to Yogyakarta.
Love? How sure is she that her part-time husband loves her knowing that he also has some affairs with other women outside marriage? That kind of man really underestimates women, doesn’t it? Even, to one of those women he dated, this irresponsible man “killed” this second wife by saying, “Oh, my girlfriend died in a car accident some years ago.”
I still don’t get any idea what made this woman marry this rubbish man. Blind love? She has been blinded by her love to this man so that she cannot think clearly?
PT56 11.20 180605

One thing that always makes me upset and angry with this polygamy thing is that those irresponsible men say that it is SUNNAH RASUL. Sunnah means if Muslim people do it, they will get reward from God; if they don’t do it, they will not get punishment.

They only see that Prophet Muhammad had more than one wife, without acknowledging that Muhammad did it not for sexual satisfaction, but to spread Islam to other ethnic groups during that era, and since his wives came from different ethnic groups, it was expected that there would be no war among those ethnic groups. Irresponsible Muslim people forget that Muhammad did it after his first wife, Khadijah, passed away. During Muhammad’s marriage to Khadijah for 15 years, he didn’t practice polygamy. He got married again under God’s command. His disapproval for Ali—his son-in-law who married Muhammad’s daughter, Fatimah—to get married again showed that in fact Muhammad himself saw the injustice of polygamy. He said to Ali, “If you marry another woman, it means you will hurt Fatimah, my daughter. Anybody who hurt my daughter, it means he also hurts me.” This stopped Ali to do what he wanted.

And what I see from those irresponsible Muslim men who practice polygamy or polygyny (having more than one wife) of course is much different from what Prophet Muhammad did. Recently (or outside of Muhammad’s era) Muslim men have more than one wife for their sexual satisfaction only. They believe that they were created in this world to have a higher libido than women and one wife is not enough for them.

Once I read an article in local newspaper stating what Puspo Wardoyo said (FYI, Puspo Wardoyo is the one who will launch POLYGAMY tabloid in Indonesia, he has four wives to my knowledge, and some years ago, he had a very embarrassing event called POLYGAMY AWARD: a competition for men who have more than one wife.) In the article, Puspo abusively said, “Practicing polygamy is only a matter of how strong you are to move your hip!” Didn’t he just put women in the lowest degree? Only as sexual object? So where is the SUNNAH RASUL???

                                          I AM NOT VEGETATIVE

       I don’t believe

       Women were created from men’s rib

            –we are not vegetative–

       even if yes                                                                              

       women can still be proud

       not to be taken from other part of men’s body

       to be oppressed

            –we are not vegetative—

       Perhaps God has never asked women

       Whether we are willing to be vegetation

       So that God knows

       That we also can make a choice

       In this life

       Not just to vote

       In the General Election day

       Not just to choose

       Which spices to use to cook

       Not just to choose

       Which shirt for husband to wear

       Not just to choose

       Babies’ diapers

       Not just to choose

       The color of lipstick

       Not just to choose

       To be quiet

           Ask women what we want

           We can answer

           We can make a choice

If only those Ulama give women rights to say what we want in this life, we will not let those irresponsible men to see us only as sexual objects!!!

PT56 11.19 190506

Man says he cares about me

  –so I must stay home—

          Man says he protects me

            –so I must hide myself from public–

Man says he loves me

  –so I must listen to whatever he tells me–

          Man says he adores me

            –so I must do what he wants me to—

Man says he knows what is good for me 

  –so I must obey him–

Man: “I do all these because I love you my darling. Please understand.”

Woman: “If you love me my dear. Let me do things I want to do. Don’t imprison me. Don’t domesticate me.”

PT56 22.29 180506

Recently I often ask myself what this life is for; why God created all this universe is for; whether there will be really a life after death.
I just try to put myself in the shoes of those people who happen to be born in an area where they don’t know any kind of indoctrination that all this universe was created by the SUPER POWER called God, that God send God’s messengers to this world for the betterment of the human beings; that men are superior to women; that after all this universe vanishes, there will be another dimension of life, where people have to be responsible for whatever they have done during their life in the world; for that people will go to two different places; namely heaven and hell.
If I had been born in such a place where there is not authority called ‘government’ that oblige what people must do–such as pay taxes; people must get married in order to be responsible to their mate and kids; so it’s a kind of force, and people don’t feel responsible coz they make a choice in their life, what would I have become?
If I had been born in a place where people don’t believe in any spiritual thing called religion–any celestial religion–what would I have become?
It reminds me of what John Lennon said in his song "Imagine"

Life is indeed mysterious, isn’t it? Well, at least, for me, yes.

‘Ulama says I am a woman
  -so I must cover all parts of my body-

       Businessman says I am a woman
          -so I must be able to be sold-

Robber says I am a woman
  -so I must be able to be robbed-

       Artist says I am a woman
          -so I must be willing to open my clothes for beauty-

Neswpaper says I am a woman
  -so I must put makeup on my face-

       Shop says I am a woman
          -so I must be consumptive-

Television film says I am a woman
-so I must be sentimental-

       Dad says I am a woman
          -so I must stay home-

Boyfriend says I am a woman
  -so I must have abortion

       Husband says I am a woman
          -so I must put contraceptive inside my body-

God says I am a woman
  -what else am I supposed to do?

Note: Ulama scholar in Islam

The above poem shows the situation of some obligations to women in Indonesia. Many people I meet online opine that Indonesia is a religion-based country (especially Islam coz the majority of the people is Muslim), while we Indonesian don’t think that way. Is it secular country? Not really either coz in many parts of Indonesia, the local government make special rules based on Islamic law although not all inhabitants there are Muslim.
With the spread of feminism ideology in Indonesia recently, still most people in Indonesia follow the ’status-quo’, and even many women who have already been "awaken" to struggle for the equality between men and women are still not confident to label themselves as feminists coz they are afraid to be considered "unwomanly".
Perhaps not only in Indonesia that to be woman is not easy (so many obligations from religion and local culture strengtened by many consensus in the society). Well, I just want to illustrate the situation in Indonesia via this blog of mine.
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REASSURANCE

Charlotte Perkins Gilman

(1860-1935)

Can you imagine nothing better, brother,
Than that which you have always had before?
Have you been so content with "wife and mother,"
        You dare hope nothing more?

Have you forever prized her, praised her, sung her,
The happy queen of a most happy reign?
Never dishonored her, despised her, flung her
        Derision and disdain?

Go ask the literature of all the ages!
Books that were written before women read!
Pagan and Christian, satirists and sages–
        Read what the world has said.

There was no power on earth to bid you slacken
The generous hand that painted her disgrace!
There was no shame on earth too black to blacken
        That much-praised woman-face.

Eve and Pandora!–always you begin it–
The ancients called her Sin and Shame and Death.
"There is no evil without woman in it,"
        The modern proverb saith.

She has been yours in uttermost possession–
Your slave, your mother, your well-chosen bride–
And you have owned in million-fold confession,
        You were not satisfied.

Peace then! Fear not the coming woman, brother.
Owning herself, she giveth all the more.
She shall be better woman, wife and mother,
        Than man hath known before.

In this poem, Gilman wanted men to realize that women even will be better human beings when they are given their rights to do anything they want. So, instead of imprisoning women only as domestic creature, men are supposed to see women’s empowerment as something positive, and not seeing it as threat for men’s superiority.

In the first stanza, Gilman started with a question “Can you imagine nothing better, brother, / Than that which you have always had before?” It shows that Gilman wanted men to think something different from the one men have believed for many centuries; something that can make the world a better place to live in for both men and women. The following two lines “Have you been so content with ‘wife and mother,’ / You dare nothing more?” shows that men think the best ‘fate’ for women is as wife and mother. As the dominant human being, men have decided the best roles for women—as wife and mother. And women—as the dominated human being—didn’t have any right to make any other choice. And since it has happened for many centuries, men seem to have no confidence that their mate—women—can be much better mate, than just as wife and mother.

In the second stanza Gilman continued asking whether men think that men have appreciated their mate’s roles in the highest rank, by crowning those women as a queen of the household ‘kingdom’. And since men crown women in their particular roles—wife and mother–, does that guarantee that men do not dishonor them? Men have believed that they honor women in those two “exclusive” roles. As Henrik Ibsen illustrated in the following dialog in A Doll’s House, between Torvald and Nora.

Torvald:  Before all else, you are a wife and a mother.

Nora:    I don’t believe that any longer. I believe that before all else, I am a reasonable human being, just as you are—

(Ibsen, 1993:68)

If men think that they put women in pedestal by exclusively giving them those two domestic roles, women can view it from a contradictory perspective—men even ‘imprison’ women at home; men even despise them not as human being like them. The dialog between Torvald and his wife, Nora, illustrates the two contradictory things: Nora wants to be considered to have equal role as Torvald. She wants her husband to see her just like she sees Torvald—as a human being! Nothing more.

Why does Nora think that way? It must be because behind the two seemingly adoring roles, in fact men dishonor women—that women are not equal to men because women cannot think as logically as men do.

In stanza three, Gilman wanted to remind all of us the fact why women are not supposed to feel honored with those two roles. If women are honored, why do many books written even before women read illustrate on the contrary? The books are written by both religious people or pagan. In the Bible, Eve was illustrated as a woman who tempted Adam to do something very sinful so that both of them were thrown out of the heaven. Eve is just a sinner. While in many fairy tales, people can find many examples of women to be wicked and cruel witch. Wickedness and sin are related to women. Men are illustrated as the innocent prince who saved the innocent women, such as Cinderella with her wicked step mother and step sisters, Snow White with her wicked step mother too. Who saved Cinderella and Snow White from their unfortunate life? MEN.

Not only in fairy tales, many women were accused to be wicked witches during colonial time

America

and then they were killed without any clear and logical investigation. Who accused and kill those innocent women? Patriarchal society where men dominated most aspects in life did it.

Nelson and Nelson said “Religious customs based on the New Testament considered women to be the descendants of the original sinner Eve and incorporated them into church and social life only under the authority of husbands. Despite the assumptions of inferiority, ideas about womanhood included positive qualities such as moral virtue. This resulted in ambivalence and dualism which characterized women as both the more moral sex and as dangerous temptresses, both Eve and Mary, the holy virgin mother of Jesus and the source of original sin.” (for further reading view http://www.csub.edu/ssric-trd/modules/cowi/1.htm )

Stanzas four and five strengthen what Gilman illustrated in stanza three—that women were the shame, the sinner, the evil. Who labeled this? Patriarchal society did it.

Stanza six Gilman depicted that women are just possession—property belonging to men. After choosing the woman they think the best to breed their children, men marry her, to make her the slave (do all of household chores, take care of the children, and serve their husbands without reserve.) However, although those men have made their wife their most loyal slave, give them burden, and also imprison them domestically, the men still don’t feel satisfied. Many of them still try to find the mistakes women do.

The last stanza, Gilman tried to remind again that men do not need to feel afraid of the coming of the new woman that know their rights better than their predecessor, women who know that they are also skilled and intelligent, and deserve to work in public places. When a woman has her own life—not just a property belonging to men; when a woman has her own responsibility as a human being, Gilman convinced that the woman will be more independent, a better decision maker, a better human being.

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JOB INTERVIEW (it happened in 1994)

The interviewer: Well, any plan to get married in the near future?

The applicant: Oh no Ma’am. In fact, I am already married.

The interviewer: Oh, so you are already married? Any baby?

The applicant: Yes, I have one baby daughter, three years old.

The interviewer: Unfortunately, we only accept single women for our new employees. Honestly speaking we don’t really like to have a married employee coz she usually will be busy with her own family matters, moreover after having a baby. Anyway, thanks for coming for this job interview.

JOB INTERVIEW (it happened in 1998)

The interviewer: May I know whether you are already married?

The applicant: Not yet.

The interviewer: Any plan to get in this short time?

The applicant: Not yet either.

The interviewer: So, in that case, we cannot guarantee that you will always stay in this city. Who knows one day you will get a husband-to-be from out of town? You will follow your husband to his city, won’t you? It means that we will just use up our time to give you chance for a training and end up with your moving out of town. We will get nothing then. Thank you anyway for your coming to this job interview.

The first job interview happened in a private company while the second was in a state university. Both were located in my hometown in

Semarang

, Central Java, Indonesia.

This ambiguous treatment to women is triggered by a consensus in Indonesian’s society that a woman belongs to her husband; that a woman works not to be the breadwinner of the family but only for “fun” (read è earn money only to buy her personal needs that probably her husband doesn’t really give a damn to buy for her); that a woman’s main responsibility is to take care of the family (husband and children) so that a woman cannot be reliable in the office. Examples: when a child gets sick at home, it is the responsibility of the mother to take care of her. She will feel guilty—sometimes to an extent where she will feel sinful—if she chooses to go to the office and let the child at home without anybody taking care of him/her. And she is not the main breadwinner. Let her husband do that. A woman will always be considered not able to be professional in this matter.

I must admit that there are still abundant women recently in

Indonesia

who “are not really professional” in doing their job. They still put their family’s matters in the first priority and put the office’s duties the second. Why? Because the consensus is like that. Because they are not given chance to show their being professional. Because many of them are still brought up in a biased-gender family so that they take the consensus for granted as something naturally, given by God.

I believe with the spread of feminism ideology in Indonesia, many women have shown their being professional in doing their job so that it is high time for society to change the consensus, that a woman belongs to her husband, that a woman must give the first priority to the family matters so that she cannot be professional at the office, that a woman will have to follow where the husband moves due to the job.

Well, although I must say that it is still difficult to be applied among those people with very conventional views.

FYI, the woman in the first job interview I mentioned above got a job as a lecturer in a private college. I know she always shows her being professional by putting her office’s duties at the first priority then her family matters. The woman in the second job interview got married with a man from

Semarang

too. A year after getting married, she got a job from a state university out of town, quite far from Semarang coz it takes around 8 hours by bus. And guess what? She left her husband in

Semarang

to pursue her career. Her husband has got a steady job in

Semarang

so that he cannot follow his wife.

What is the comment from people around? “What is she looking for in this life? She has got married. Why should she leave her husband here only to pursue her own career? Isn’t a woman’s place beside her husband? Besides, her husband has got a steady job, hasn’t he? What else does she expect? A husband is a man that a woman should depend on.”

My response to those people’s comment, “Don’t ask her to view this life from your own point-of-view. She knows best for her own life.”

Ah yeah I know, we all people who care for the equality between men and women still have to struggle to make it come true. I know it is not as simple and quick as we turn our palm down.

PT56 11.01 120506

I have joined a big website to look for new friends or to keep in touch with old friends since December 2004. The website is www.friendster.com I joined it coz a good virtual friend invited me at join her network. She lives in Indonesia too but not at the same city where I live.

Hoping that I will be able to locate or to be located by my old friends, I filled out the profile completely, including some pictures of mine there.

I knew blog world for the first time also at this website, around a year ago, March 2005.

I indeed get some new friends from this site. Some old friends or some ex-students of mine located me here too.

However, one thing very humiliating from this site is, recently I sometimes got nasty messages, such as saying, “Hello pretty … have a date with me, will ya?” or “Hello pretty, wow … you are very sexy. Will you give me time to make you cum?” or “Hello pretty, need a younger guy to make you always look young? Let’s have a hot date. I will not disappoint you. Guaranteed.”

It is very humiliating, annoying, and abusing, isn’t it?

Again, I believe that it is all caused by men’s way of thinking to underestimate women only as sexual objects. I believe those guys don’t read what I wrote in my profile carefully. Or, oh, perhaps they don’t understand English coz I write it in English. J

In the middle of the poignant arguments about pornography bill in Indonesia, those who are pro to this bill say that it will reduce the number of sexual harassment, or rape when women cover their body all over so that men don’t have a chance to think about sex when seeing a woman (coz they believe that men are always opt to think of sex very easily, moreover if a woman “triggers” those men by wearing quite open clothes); while those who are contra to this bill say that it will NOT reduce the number of sexual harassment and rape when men still underestimate women, internet is still considered to be a disguise place for those with nasty thought. If this bill is really legalized to be law later, how can the government limit people to access pornography in the internet? Right now, in Indonesia more people always connote internet and its internet café as pornography thing, as the “safe” place to get nasty pictures or video, or as the “safe” place to look for dates, although some time ago there was a raid done by police to some internet cafes to “catch those people opening some porn sites in the act.” Some people who were not lucky to get caught had to pay some fine, although I don’t know where the money went after that. Will it guarantee that those people will not do that anymore?

This humiliation thing will not stop if men still stick to their “inherited” view about the inequality position between men and women—that women are enjoyable sexual objects and men do that coz they are superior.

Going back to friendster, I believe the founder of this website didn’t mean to make a certain group of people to humiliate another group of people. People who misuse it are the one who ruin it, especially in Indonesia.

What a sad thing it is. L

PT56 12.08 120506

In one class of mine, where the topic is “Career Women” I gave my students the following questions to discuss.

1.       Who should be the boss in the family—the man or the woman?

2.       Who ought to do the cooking—the man or the woman?

3.       Who ought to do the dishes?

4.       Who ought to fix things when they are broken?

5.       Who ought to wash the clothes?

6.       Who ought to be the one earning the most money?

7.       Who ought to look after the children when they are under five years old?

8.       Who ought to buy clothes for the children when they are under 10 years old?

9.       Who ought to discipline the children when they are naughty?

10.    Who ought to pay the bills and organize the family’s finance?

There were 16 students; three male and thirteen female students arrived. I divided them into 8 pairs. The two boys in one group and the other boy worked with a girl. All of them are under twenty-five years old, ranging from one senior high school student, the others are college students, and two students are fresh graduates from undergraduate program. In this article, I will write the result of the discussion.

FYI, it is very common in Indonesia to have housemaids in many families. My students mostly come from middle-high social class where many of them have housemaids at home. However, I ask them to discuss it with the basis of living in a nuclear family without housemaids and both husband and wife work.

For the first question, all students agreed that the man must be the boss in the family. The reasons are various. One pair of students cited the Bible “Wives must respect the husband.” Another pair cited the Al-Quran “Men are the leader.” Some other pairs give reasons such as “men have bigger responsibilities in a family coz they earn more money.” “men should be the decision maker coz they earn money.” “men deserve to get respect after doing their responsibilities—earning money, loving the wife, taking care of the family.” “men think more rationally therefore they are wiser than women in making decision.” “the leader of a family must be someone wise.”

For the second question, six pairs answered that both man and woman can do the cooking. Two other pairs said that women are more able to cook than men, and also coz women usually do household chores.

The third question, six pairs said that both man and woman can do the dishes. One pair gave this chore to women coz “women are cleaner than men.” The last pair said it depends on the division of household chores that both of them agree.

Question number four, two pairs said that men are responsible to fix things when they are broken coz “men are stronger” than women. the other six pairs agreed that both men and women can do this fixing thing only it depends on what things are broken. For electrical things give this chore to men; for clothes women.

Question number five, four pairs give this chore to women. The reasons vary from “women are cleaner than men and men don’t know how to wash the clothes,” “women are more careful especially related to the material of the clothes,” “women are more patient and careful” coz the students believe that the longer time someone needs to wash clothes, the cleaner the clothes will be. Until the reason “it is women’s duties to do household chores.” The other half of the students agree that both men and women can wash the clothes coz “both wear the clothes, so, it is the responsibility of both of them” “just use the washing machine, it is easy. Men can do that too.”

Question number six, two pairs said that it is really not a big deal who earns money the most. However, coz we now live in the patriarchal society, it will be better to give this burden to men. The other six pairs promptly gave this burden to men coz “Men have bigger responsibilities in a family.” “When women work, well, their income is only for contribution, and not the main income.” Another pair said (both were girls) “My money is my own money. His money is my money.”

Question number seven, the half of the class agreed that it is the responsibility of both men and women with reasons “children need love and attention from both parents” “to create good personalities in the children, both parents have the same important roles.” “if both parents do this responsibility together, it will increase the emotional ties between the children and the both parents.” While the other half of the class responded that this is the responsibility of the women only coz “women are motherly”, “women are more patient and loving than men” “women know their children better than men and have closer emotional ties with the children due to the nine-month pregnancy.”

Question number eight, six pairs opined that both men and women are responsible to do this. Both men and women go to the department store together, discuss together which clothes to buy for the children. Or, both go to the department store together, women choose which clothes to buy, men pay in the cashier using their money.” The two pairs believed that women do this responsibility better than men coz “Women have stronger feelings in choosing clothes” and “women know the right size and the comfortable material of the clothes.”

The ninth question , seven pairs believe that both men and women must be responsible to discipline the children. “Children must respect both parents, therefore, parents must have the same decision in disciplining the children by having the same regulations,” “parents must give good examples to be disciplined.” One pair said that men are more responsible in doing this coz men have stronger personality and they are fatherly to make children scared so that children will obey the rules.

For the last question, all pairs agreed that both men and women do this together, with different responsibility though. “Men pay the bills coz the money is from them. Women organize the family’s finance coz women manage money more wisely and accurately than men.”

How about my own comment to the students when discussing this in class? I will write another article later. J

How about your own experience, dear friends? J