Mar 16 2006
Good friends
I have three good friends who happen to have similar names; Julie, Yuli, and Yulia.
I know Yuli the longest, since 1996 though we started to be close in 1999. I am not really good in socializing with people, I suppose, so when I am close with someone, and feel comfortable and secure with her, I become very dependent on her. There was really some time in 1999-2000 when I felt very dependent on Yuli, always wanted to talk to her about my problems, or any other thing. Yuli is a very nice person so that many people in our workplace like her. My being dependent on Yuli sometimes came to an extent that made me jealous when she was “occupied” by someone else while I still wanted to confide in her. J Gradually, I knew that I couldn’t really depend on her anytime I have things to talk about.
I knew Yulia in 1999 when the first time she was accepted at the workplace where I work. She is really good at mingling with people. Not long after she arrived, I became close to her, and felt comfortable too to be with her. Well, perhaps coz of Yulia’s coming in my life, I reduced my dependency on Yulia. J
I knew Julie in 2000 but we started to be close to each other in 2002 when both of us continued our study out of town, in a city called Yogya, taking the same major—American Studies. I spent most of my time with Julie due to that. However, when visiting my hometown, Semarang, of course, I still spent some time to be with Yuli and Yulia.
In 2003, Yulia moved out of town, to follow her husband who was taking specialist. I felt something missing, of course, coz Bandung was located quite far from both Yogya and Semarang. But I still had Yuli and Julie.
In September 2004, Yuli married her online lover, from Holland. Though happy for her coz she found her true love, I couldn’t deny the fact that I felt unhappy too. I would “lose” her.
I really felt very unhappy when a year after that, October 2005, Yuli sent me a message telling me that she was already in Jakarta, ready to leave for Holland. I was crying, and she didn’t know, of course. How selfish I was. Though we still keep in touch via emails, it is still different when she is really here with me.
And today, Julie got a new job that made her move out of town, Malang. The same bitter feeling came to me, as when Yuli was about to leave for Holland. But of course this is the hardest coz both Yulia and Yuli had left, and Julie was the last one. And perhaps coz Julie shared the same interest with me—feminism, though she didn’t claim herself as a feminist, like me—we often got involved in a very interesting discussion; one thing that I hardly can get from my other workmates.
Some days ago when I felt so down in the dumps coz finding a woman who considered me as her soul mate betrayed me, I realized how valuable good friends are for me. I found that writing articles to post in my blogs and writing in my diary were not enough. I needed to talk to a good friend who could console me, to appease the anger and revenge in me, to “force” me to use my common sense in facing that betrayal. I was so grateful at that time to have Julie in my life.
And now Julie is also going to leave me soon.
I am so unhappy in one side of my heart, I cannot deny it, though of course I was happy to know that she at last got what she has always dreamt of—to be a civil servant.
