Blog si Feminis

Malioboro Mall

malam minggu

sunyi …

sepi …

What does it mean, then, dear? Have you ever found Malioboro Mall quiet? Moreover on Saturday night? Are you kidding? Never been to Malioboro Mall on Saturday night, eh?

When you are missing someone so special in your life … even so many people around you will never make you feel ‘fulfilled’. They are just ‘noise’, no meaning at all. They are just ’statues’, no attraction at all.

Enjoy it dear. You know, the show must go on. Life will never step back to yesterday …

This is one poem I sent to my loved one, some years ago … the one that made my life so colorful in 1999-2001

I have never had these feelings

The ones I have right now

The one I have for you

They’re so strong and true

Everyone can tell

By the smile

That’s always on my face

I’m really in love

My heart beats love songs for you

I’ve never been so happy

In all my life

You have changed the way I feel

About everything

I dont want to think

Of the future if you’re not mine

You mean the world to me

You are my everything

I never knew what love is

Till I met you

You have showed me real love

Something I have never really known

And I thank lord above

Everyday that you’re in my life

And I’m so scared that one day

You will realize that you could have

Someone so much better

And I will be part of your past

That’s my biggest fear

Losing you.

You have my heart,

You completed my soul

You are my other half

And when we are finally together

We will be completely whole

Nothing will go wrong

When I’m finally in your arms

Looking in your eyes

Feeling your arms around me

Tasting our very first shy kiss

Hearing our heartbeat so close together

It will feel like heaven

And I pray that day comes soon

Even though I know it won’t be tomorrow

Or maybe not even the next day

But it will come soon enough

And the days we wait

Our love will only grow stronger

Cause love conquers all

P.S: A good friend of mine said that I become foolishly loyal when in love. LOL. Thanks, pal! 

The following experience happened last December 23, 2005, by the end of my thesis examination. After the four examiners besieged me with  incessant questions, and I could answer all questions convincingly (I thought, LOL), the second advisor of my thesis suddenly said, “Ms. Nana, I have one last question.”

I looked at her, and said confidently, “Yes … what is it, Ma’am?”

She said, “I am interested in the acknowledgement of your thesis. Why didn’t you mention your hubby’s name? Instead you just wrote “…for my someone special who has become my catharsis and my inspiration as well without whom I believe that the thesis writing would have been a very much harder task to do.” Is it coz you were influenced a lot by Charlotte Perkins Gilman?”

I was dumbfounded to hear that question. Goodness, in fact the examiners not only paid attention to the content of my thesis, but they also paid attention to such a (trivial for me) thing? Well, in such an occasion it was trivial, I suppose, though of course when I wrote it, I did it seriously, to show my great indebtness to that someone special of mine. I got no idea how to answer that question, frankly speaking. Hmm…

And in fact, the other examiners were also curious to know why I wrote such a thing in the acknowledgment. Wow … J

After being silent for some time, at last I responded, “Well, Ma’am… I have my own personal reason to do that…”

Voila … then I found out that in fact, that simple response was enough to “silence” those four examiners of my thesis. LOL.

Some days passed.

When I visited that second advisor my thesis again, in the teacher’s room of English Department where I took my master’s degree, to ask for her signature, in fact, I found out that she was still curious. She asked me again, “Come on … tell me your reason why you wrote such a thing …”

In that crucial moment, (hehehe …), my being sakkepenake dhewe appeared. LOL. I responded, “Well … you know Ma’am … my someone special can be different person in different condition … Okay? That’s what I meant with ‘my personal reason’.” Hahaha …

For my someone special, my catharsis as well as my inspiration, the most loyal one who accompanied me during my writing the thesis, Je t’aime, mon amour …

Nana

Apakah beda antara tindakan perkosaan dan seks? Hal tersebut disebut perkosaan ketika salah satu dari mereka merasa terpaksa ketika melakukannya. Namun tindakan yang hampir sama tersebut disebut seks (bahkan kadang-kadang disebut ‘bercinta’ alias making love dalam bahasa Inggris), ketika kedua belah pihak setuju untuk melakukannya.

Seks bisa terjadi antara dua orang asing, asal keduanya setuju untuk melakukannya, tidak hanya antara suami-istri. Perkosaan bisa terjadi antara dua orang asing yang sama sekali tidak saling mengenal. Namun perkosaan pun bisa terjadi antara sepasang suami istri, ketika seks itu dilakukan atas dasar paksaan satu pihak. Seorang suami yang sedang horny bisa saja memaksa istrinya yang mungkin sedang merasa capek atau bad mood dikarenakan perubahan hormon yang kadang-kadang terjadi dalam tubuh perempuan. Lebih sering lagi terjadi seorang suami merasa bahwa istrinya adalah barang miliknya karena dia telah membelinya dengan memberinya mas kawin di hari pernikahan mereka. Karena merasa bahwa istri adalah barang miliknya, seorang suami merasa punya hak untuk memaksakan kehendaknya kepada istrinya. Di dalam Undang undang KDRT (Kekerasan dalam rumah tangga), hal ini disebut perkosaan.

Apakah beda antara pelecehan seksual dengan yang bukan pelecehan seksual? Sama dengan yang tertulis di atas, tindakan itu disebut pelecehan seksual ketika salah satu dari kedua pihak itu merasa dipermalukan, atau merasa dipaksa untuk menerima tindakan tersebut. Tindakan yang sama tidak disebut pelecehan seksual ketika keduanya menikmati hal tersebut. Seperti perkosaan, pelecehan seksual (berkisar dari hanya sekedar bersiul, berdecak, menyentuh tangan, bahu, sampai hal-hal yang lebih dari itu, seperti menyentuh paha, perut, pinggul, dan lain lain) bisa terjadi antara dua orang asing, namun bisa juga terjadi antara dua orang yang sudah saling mengenal dengan baik.

Bagi kaum perempuan, cintailah diri dan tubuh anda. Jangan biarkan siapa pun untuk melecehkan anda. Namun seandainya anda menikmatinya, just go ahead. It is no longer sexual abuse, then. Ok?

Peace J

Nana

Dear friends,

Have you read the article entitled “Mari Berkeluarga di dalam Kota ” in Ayu Utami’s Si Parasit Lajang? In it, Ayu said that inside a doctor’s clinic the word “berkeluarga” always means “bersetubuh”, while the word, “belum berkeluarga” always means “belum bersetubuh”.  How naïve, isn’t it?

I wanna tell you one experience of mine when I was in the hospital, more than a year ago. I asked a doctor to put implant on my left arm, for controlling the hormone in my body, so that I wouldn’t get pregnant, in 1997. It was due in 2002. My ignorant and stubborn nature let it be in my arm, and didn’t ask a doctor to take it away. I just thought that my body had been getting along well with that “alien” thing in my body. LOL. However, when I felt something wrong with my health some time in September 2004, I went to a doctor, I told her that there was an implant in my body. Directly, she suggested me to take it out right away. This is my experience.

I dunno but I felt bothered when the receptionist asked me, “Your husband’s name, Ma’am?” what they would do to me was nothing to do to with my hubby, right, but why did they involve him? It gave me a conclusion that for women who want to get service about birth control must have hubby. How about those who are not married but need such a service? Sex does not exclusively belong to married people only, does it? This “unwise policy” (that hospitals give birth control service only to married people) then engenders some other trouble, I am sure. J My being sakkepenake dhewe, LOL, made me ignore that question by asking back, “What’s the point with that question, eh?” LOL. That old lady seemed shocked with my question. But then, of course, I told her my hubby’s name. Sing waras ngalah. LOL. I didn’t want to “lecture” that that kind of “policy” has violated the most natural human need, sex. LOL.

The following question was asked by the doctor, “After we have taken out the implant, what other birth control do you want to use? Or do you plan to have a baby?”

I answered, “No sir, I don’t want any other birth control to be ‘planted’ in my body. I don’t want to have another baby either.”

He insisted, “No, Ma’am, you cannot say that. You’ve got to choose, to have a baby or use another birth control.” Crazy. Don’t I have freedom to do what I want? He said again, “Well, we just want to help you so that you will not undergo “gagal KB”.

I replied, “But sir, that’s none of your business, right, if I get pregnant later on though now I say that I don’t wanna have another baby?”

And then he said, “Ok then, I will write in the document here that you want to have another baby.”

I said, “Write anything that pleases you, sir. It’s not a big deal for me.” LOL.

When I told some workmates of mine about this experience, one of them, a man, commented, “Ms. Nana, why did you act like that? Why don’t you just follow the society’s norm instead?” LOL.

The main reason why I don’t let any doctor “plant” anything to control the hormone of my body to avoid pregnancy is that I want to control my own body, (I believe it really needs high repression, confidence, courage and control) coz my body is absolutely mine, not belong to hubby, nor doctor, nor society, nor government.

Read the following excerpt of Ariel Haryanto’s poem I quoted from May Lan’s book entitled Negara, Pers, dan Perempuan p. 99

“… Di negeri kami tubuh perempuan

bukan milik perempuan

dada dan paha sudah dijatahkan

buat biro iklan dan wartawan

Vagina dan rahim adalah lahan resmi

Proyek nasional KB

Dikerjakan sehari-hari dalam keluarga

Oleh laki-laki kami sendiri

Dilaporkan birokrat negeri

Biar dapat utang luar negeri …”

Ariel clearly illustrated how women do not possess their own bodies in Indonesia. It is very ironic, isn’t it? As someone who realizes that my body belongs to me, I confidently want to control myself.

Going back to my experience in the hospital. In that occasion, I found a woman suffering from bleeding for almost a month, without a clear reason. She suspected that it was caused by the birth control “means” inside her body. Another woman suffered from obesity. Another woman again told me that the IUD “planted” inside her vagina was gone inside her body. After she was examined thoroughly using sophisticated equipment, a doctor said that the IUD was “running” through the blood in her body. What a very scary thing to hear, do you agree?

Sexual desire is a gifted-desire since we were born. It belongs to anybody, male, female, married, single, young, old. To have a baby or to control ourselves not to have a baby is absolutely everybody’s right. When coming to controlling birth (in order not to make this world overpopulated), it is not only the obligation of women, it’s men’s as well. So, why must give the whole burden to women only? Women themselves must suffer from any pain when something wrong comes up with this controlling birth thing.

Well, suddenly I remember one stanza of a song. I don’t remember the singer though. It stated “Alat kontrasepsi paling aman, yaitu ga usah berhubungan …” isn’t it a good suggestion? LOL.

Women … please love your bodies!

Regards,

Nana

The following is another email for one good friend of mine. Well, as usual, hopefully can give a new horizon in viewing this life.

Hello say,

Sudah pernah membaca buku Si Parasit Lajang tulisan Ayu Utami? Kalo belum, ya beli dong. It is one of my favorite books. Gak bakal nyesel deh entar. (wah, kok aku jadi promosi? Hehehe…)

Di salah satu artikel di dalam buku itu, Ayu menyebut tiga hal yang didambakan oleh orang Indonesia sehingga mereka merasa hidup mereka ‘komplit’, yakni, menikah, punya pekerjaan, dan punya anak. Kamu setuju kah? Well, mungkin kamu setuju. Di salah satu email yang kamu kirimkan setahun yang lalu, kamu bilang betapa kamu merasa sepi dalam hidupmu ini karena kamu hidup sendiri. dalam kesendirian yg lama kita juga butuh ketidak sendirian…itu katamu. So, kamu akan selalu merasa something is missing in your life karena kamu hidup sendiri. Kamu punya anak, namun anakmu tidak tinggal bersamamu.

Bagaimana denganku? Untuk saat ini, well, aku memiliki ketiga hal yang disebut oleh Ayu Utami, aku menikah, punya pekerjaan, dan punya anak. Apakah kemudian aku merasa hidupku lengkap? So aku bisa merasa bahagia begitu? Kenyataannya tidak. Dan kamu tahu persis masalah ini.

Dalam serial Sex and the City episode 5 session 5, Carrie Bradshaw, salah satu tokoh utama di film ini mengatakan bagi orang New York, mereka membutuhkan tiga hal untuk merasa hidup mereka lengkap, yakni, pekerjaan, a plus one (bisa jadi suami/istri, ato pacar), dan apartemen. Di episode ini diceritakan Carrie yang tidak punya pacar. Ketika dia naksir seorang penulis bernama Jack Berger, dia harus patah hati karena ternyata Jack sudah punya a plus one, a girlfriend. Setelah bercerita-cerita kepada ketiga temannya, dalam perjalanan pulang dia merenung, bukankah sudah hebat memiliki 2 hal dari 3 hal yang disebut tadi? Dia punya pekerjaan yang keren, dan juga apartemen. Namun, kemudian dia pun bertanya pada diri sendiri, mengapa dia tetap merasa tidak memiliki apa-apa hanya karena dia tidak memiliki satu hal tersebut, a plus one? Mengapa kemudian dua hal yang dia miliki menjadi terasa tidak begitu berharga?

Aku pikir-pikir, daripada aku menggunakan kriteria orang Indonesia yang disebutkan Ayu Utami untuk membuat hidupku ini terasa lengkap, aku lebih memilih yang diprasyaratkan oleh Carrie, seorang New Yorker. Aku memiliki pekerjaan. Aku juga sudah memiliki a plus one, yakni anakku. Apartemen? Ato rumah? Well, aku bisa tinggal di mana saja, asal aku punya uang untuk menyewa kamar. Aku tidak setuju dengan Carrie yang mengatakan bahwa tidak memiliki salah satu dari ketiga hal tersebut membuat kita merasa tidak memiliki apa-apa.

Bagaimana menurutmu say? Kamu pilih kriteria yang mana? Yang disebutkan oleh Carrie? Ato Ayu Utami? Apakah kemudian kamu akan menyebutku telah di-Amerika-kan oleh studiku? Secara fisik aku adalah orang Indonesia, namun dari cara berpikir aku telah menjelma menjadi seorang New Yorker? Aku setuju dengan pendapat orang yang mengatakan bahwa kehadiran internet telah membuat dunia ini serasa mengecil, hingga di masa yang akan datang, tak ada lagi beda yang mencolok antara belahan bumi timur dan barat. Semua menjadi satu. Kamu setuju?

Salam,

Nana

Here is an email for a good friend of mine, that I want to share with you, my blog readers.

Hello say,

Belum bosen kan baca emailku? Kamu tahu, aku selalu ingin menulis sesuatu. Aku sudah biasa menulis di diaryku, yang tentu saja hanya spesial buatku. Kadang-kadang, aku juga ingin menulis tentang sesuatu, dan kepengen share kepada seseorang. Kali ini, aku kepengen share ke kamu.

Kalo nggak salah, sorry kalo lupa, nama lengkap anakmu Marlynda Nabilla Rezza. Well, aku simpan nama indah itu di hape lamaku, yang udah dicuri orang, so aku agak lupa lengkapnya. Rezza, itu tentu diambil dari nama belakangmu, right? Pertanyaanku, mengapa kamu harus ikut menyertakan namamu dalam nama anakmu? Untuk mengatakan pada dunia bahwa dia adalah anakmu? Hak milikmu? Kamu punya hak atasnya? Ato lebih ekstrim lagi, dia adalah barang milikmu? Seperti biasa, kita menulis nama kita di barang yang kita punya? Untuk menunjukkan ke orang di sekitar kita bahwa itu adalah barang kita?

Mengapa setelah menikah, perempuan harus memakai embel-embel nama suaminya? Juga untuk menunjukkan bahwa dia adalah ‘milik’ suaminya? Ato, seperti yang secara ekstrim kutulis di atas, setelah menikah, sang istri menjadi barang milik suaminya? Yang kemudian tidak berhak untuk memiliki kehidupan dan pilihannya sendiri?

Dalam analisis bab 4 tesisku, aku menulis bahwa, dalam taraf ekstrim, hubungan istri-suami sama dengan hubungan anak-orang tua. Istri milik suami, anak milik orang tua. Dengan alasan cinta, orang tua ‘menentukan’ apa-apa yang ‘seharusnya’ dilakukan oleh sang anak. Kadang, tanpa mau tahu apakah anak keberatan ato tidak. (Pernahkah kamu berpikir, suatu saat nanti, setelah dewasa, seandainya anakmu tumbuh dengan cara berpikir sepertiku, dia akan protes, mengapa ayahnya harus mengikuti kemana pun dia pergi, karena nama ayahnya tertempel di belakang namanya? Seolah untuk selalu mengingatkan, “Hello, Marlynda Nabilla … kamu adalah milikku, ayahmu.” Ingat, di masa datang, pengaruh perspektif feminisme akan semakin meluas, sapa tahu anakmu pun akan menjadi bagian dari penganut ideologi ini?) Dalam kultur patriarki di mana kita tinggal sekarang ini, baik anak maupun istri diwajibkan untuk patuh kepada orang tua maupun suami. Timbal baliknya, atas fasilitas yang disediakan oleh orang tua untuk anaknya, si anak harus menurut apa pun kata orang tua, melakukan apa-apa yang orang tua tentukan; sedangkan atas fasilitas yang disediakan oleh seorang suami kepada istrinya, si istri harus mengikuti semua kehendak suami, termasuk melayani kebutuhan seksualnya. Tak salah kalo kemudian para feminis radikal mengatakan bahwa perkawinan adalah praktek prostitusi eksklusif.

Ketika membaca bagian itu, dosen pembimbingku bertanya, darimana aku mendapatkan ide seperti itu. Aku lupa, apakah itu murni ideku, ato aku membaca di suatu buku ato artikel yang kudapatkan dari internet. Yang aku ingat hanyalah, para kaum feminis (yang radikal, bukan yang liberal) memprotes embel-embel nama orang tua ato nama suami di belakang nama perempuan, sehingga kaum perempuan tidak merasa bahwa mereka adalah hak milik orang tua ato suami. Dalam konvensi hak-hak perempuan sedunia, perempuan berhak memilih untuk memakai nama keluarga orang tua (ayah ato ibu) ato suami ato tidak memakai keduanya setelah menikah. Kebetulan kedua orangtuaku bersaudara sepupu, so mereka memakai nama keluarga yang sama, Podungge. Ketika aku memakai nama marga Podungge, well, bisa jadi itu dari nama marga ibuku ato ayahku kan. Namun, dengan ‘kebesaran’ hatinya, di dalam akte kelahiranku, ayahku tidak menyertakan nama marga ini di belakang namaku. Aku bukan milik siapa-siapa. I love it. Well, meskipun, akhir-akhir ini, ketika menulis namaku di buku yang barusan kubeli, aku nulis, “NANA PODUNGGE”.  paradox, eh?  Well, hanya untuk sedikit membedakan antara Nana yang satu dengan Nana yang lain aja. Maklum, nama Nana kan nama yang amat pasaran. Hehe … ngaku nih.  

Pemakaian nama suami oleh para perempuan akan selalu mengingatkan mereka bahwa mereka adalah “milik” suami mereka. Sedangkan lelaki tidak memakai nama istri mereka, sehingga mereka tidak akan selalu merasa bahwa mereka telah “dimiliki” oleh seseorang, yakni istrinya. Bahkan banyak di antara kaum lelaki itu dengan nyamannya mengaku “belum menikah” untuk kemudian menggombali perempuan lain, yang berarti mereka menganggap istri mereka tidak ada. Bahkan, tak sedikit pula yang “mematikan” istrinya, dengan mengatakan, “istriku mati dalam kecelakan mobil beberapa tahun lalu”. Shit.

Salam,

Nana

The following is another email of mine for that hunk in my life quite interesting to read, and also, to contemplate, of course.

Good day my Lelaki Terindah,

How are you today? Enjoying your new role as a daddy? J

Yesterday I had a short discussion with Julie, one good friend of mine, about men’s role and women’s role in a marriage. There are many articles and books too talking about women’s role in a marriage, e.g. to be a wife, serving the husband, to be a mother, taking care of children, to be a homemaker, taking care of the house, cooking, etc. However, not many articles or books talk about men’s role in a marriage but as a breadwinner. Recently, when women want to be economically independent, then society increase their burden, that we know as “peran ganda” in our country. Why is there no “peran ganda” for men?

You know, honey, I really love to read your email telling me that you love changing your baby’s diapers. J For me, it is a great thing, coz as far as I know, not many men are willing to help their wives taking care of their babies. They simply think that taking care of babies is women’s responsibility only, not men’s.

Once I read an article (a mysoginist one, I believe) saying that a career woman will not make a good mother. So, a career man will not make a good father, eh? LOL.

I do hope, honey, though you told me that you are not a feminist, you will not be that kind of men that thinks, “these are women’s duties so I don’t need to do that.” when it is related to household chores or taking care of babies. Though, yeah … if in fact you are not really like what I expect, it doesn’t change my feeling to you. J I don’t know you very well, but, like Stefanie Hid said in her novel entitled Bukan Saya, tapi Mereka yang Gila, “love is irrational.” She is absolutely right. Love can come to anybody, at anytime, anywhere. Right? J It mostly irrationally happens. J 

Lots of love,

Nana

The following is another email for my (present) loved one. I typed it on October 6, 2005, some time ago, but the topic will always be up-to-date. Just read it, dear friends.

My darling one,

Ramadhan month has come again. But, you know, since I realized that I became secular (no longer religious) two years ago, I haven’t found any special feeling to welcome both Ramadhan and Idul Fitri. I don’t let any principle (not even Islamic teachings) indoctrinate me any longer. What a boastful creature I am, do you think? I just use my own common sense. In American history, I found this phenomenon (that American people were no longer pious anymore, compared to their Puritan ancestors in the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries) in the beginning of the nineteenth century. Do you know why? Renaissance. The discovery of many sciences. People started to think that they had brains that could open any mystery they found in the world. For example women’s womb was no longer mysterious after people found special equipment (such as USG) to look through it. With many inventions in medical field, human body is no longer mysterious anymore.

American people started to think that their being puritan didn’t make any sense. Their strong faith in religion didn’t have any strong reason. Therefore, many people started to question, “Does God exist? Why do we never see Him?” (or Her do you think? LOL. Since I was a kid, I was indoctrinated that in Islam, God doesn’t have sex, not male not female. Since Israelites or Roman brought Christian to England, many English converted to this religion. They believe that Jesus—a man—is God. That’s why they use He or Him as the pronoun of God in English.

(Honey, please don’t complain such as, “Nana, reading this email of yours is just like reading or attending history class. LOL)

But I don’t entirely agree if people easily say that America is full of atheist people. No. Many American people still continue their pious puritan ancestors. We, Indonesian people just don’t know much about it.

After reading some books in my study, especially after knowing this indoctrination kind of thing, I started to think too, that it all started from indoctrination we have got since we were little. We—as Muslim people—have been indoctrinated that Islam is the only right religion, the only vehicle that will take us to Heaven. We do believe in it coz that is the only doctrine we heard since a little. Other people with different religion probably also get the similar doctrine about their religion.

When I was a little, my elementary school teachers told me (and my classmates, of course), that Al-Quran will always be pure till the judgment day. Allah will keep it pure so that any effort to ‘change’ it will fail. It is contradictory from Bible that has undergone changes, from Old Testament to New Testament. There is Bible ‘written’ by Markus, Matthew, who else I don’t know. We deserve to question then whether Bible is really from God? Why is it ‘written’ by Markus and his friends? Why is not written by God? Not even by Jesus that Muslim people know as Isa?

The purity of Al-Quran here is also included the interpretation that I learned when I was a kid. One example, being polygamous is alright in Islam.

My getting to know Feminist Literary Criticism—especially with its principle Reading as a Woman—opened my mind that Al-Quran will always be pure, but not its interpretation. This world has become patriarchal since time immemorial. Men think that they have more ability to think than women do. More men went to school to get knowledge than women. That’s why, Al-Quran has been interpreted by mostly men. (Well, until now, I haven’t found any Al-Quran’s interpretation by women yet). In hermeneutics—one branch of knowledge in Social—I learned that no one is free from his or her way of thinking (with principle indoctrinated to him or her since a child). When interpreting something, people will always use this tendency. Men who think that they are more powerful, more intelligent, more thoughtful than women will use this belief in interpreting Al-Quran.

One proof. Surat An-Nisa ayat 3 is interpreted by (selfish) men that they can be polygamous. However, exactly the same verse can be interpreted that men are not allowed to have more than one wife when people use different point of view. It even becomes haram when then the man, the doer of the polygamy, does not treat his wives fairly. In Arabic, the word “adil” does not merely refer to concrete things, such as house, car, money, etc; instead, it refers to something unseen, such as love, care, related to heart.

When one of our president candidates campaigned more than a year ago, I found one banner, “Pilihlah Mr. X. Insya Allah bla bla bla …” (I forgot). For people (who think that they are religious), maybe that kind of campaign would say that that president candidate is a good Muslim. However, from my point of view, he just made use the words Insya Allah here to get sympathy from Indonesian people who are majority are Muslim, so that he expected to win the vote.

Do you see my point, honey? It all starts from the way we have been indoctrinated. Since knowing feminism, I let this ideology indoctrinated me. I do it consciously. I use my common sense in doing this. Consciously, I close my mind from other kinds of ideology. I read articles or books that are written using feminist perspective only. Julie criticized me as being unfair. Who cares?

I remember one day in 1999 I had a strong argument with that Californian debating about this religion thing. I told him that his mother was going to hell coz she was not a Muslim. Apparently he got offended, whereas I only answered his question whether his mother was going to hell or heaven. To him I was just a naïve and innocent girl. although he got offended, he didn’t get mad at me. However, after reading some books in this master study of mine, I could see his point. I was indoctrinated like that. With my stubborn nature, it was not easy for him to explain to me about his perspective. It was not easy to change it, was it?

However, I remember too, one day I felt I hated this religion of mine coz this religion was not women-friendly. This religion gave many privileges toward men (for examples: men can have more than one wife, a woman cannot have more than one husband; sons get two third of his father’s legacy while daughter only get one third; men can pursue any career they want, women can pursue career only if their husbands let them do it, etc). Feminist literary criticism ‘awakened’ me. Fatima Mernissi, a feminist Muslim from Morocco said something like this, “jika hak-hak perempuan Muslim menjadi masalah bagi sekelompok pria Muslim, hal ini bukanlah disebabkan oleh Al-Quran maupun Islam itu sendiri, melainkan karena interpretasi yang berbeda menghasilkan interpretasi yang bertentangan dengan kepentingan kaum elit laki-laki.” Well, I forgot the exact sentence. But it is like that. It is not Islam that is gender-biased. Men who interpret Al-Quran are gender-biased. Reading Jurnal Perempuan no 32 about “Perempuan dan Fundamentalisme” made me aware that other religions are also gender-biased.

Going back to Ramadhan month darling. This is the second day. I am not fasting. Nature calls for women. Are you fasting there? I remember one time i asked you, “Fasting today honey?” you responded, “Until now, yes. I dont know later.” Hahaha … naughty you!

Love,

Nana